Memories Lost
by patmar 34
Summary: Donna wakes up in a hospital room to a very different reality to what she remembered before.
1. Where am I?

**Where Am I?  
**

 **Chapter One**

Donna opened her eyes slowly, her head was throbbing and she had difficulty adjusting her eyes to the light. The more she tried to open her eyes and focus, the more the light hurt. She felt disorientated. Had she overslept. She felt strange. Her throat hurt, something felt like it was stuck in her throat, she tried to cough,she then started to gag ...an alarm beeped. She ached everywhere, was she sick?, was this a dream? She felt panicked, she tried to move her hand to her mouth to remove whatever was starting to choke her.

 _"_ _Donna"_ , _"Donna!"_ a voice rang out close by.

She began to panic even more, what was happening? Harvey, was that Harvey's voice?

 _"_ _Donna_ _it's OK"._ _"You're going to be OK." I'm going to get help"._ She heard him roar _"Nurse",_ _"Nurse, she's awake!"_

Donna thought she heard running, a door opening and then footsteps approaching her. She felt scared, she tried to call out to Harvey but couldn't, what was happening. Then a gentle female voice came beside her, _" Donna, Donna, I need you to relax"_ , _"just giving you a little something dear, it will help you relax now."_

Donna felt a sharp prod in her right hand and then quickly felt like she was slipping away ... was this it she thought, and then there was darkness ...

...

Donna opened her eyes, slowly again adjusting to the light, thank God she thought, what a nightmare; adjusting her eyes slowly to the light she saw white walls, with her peripheral vision a large window loomed to her left side. The curtains were closed, a large fluorescent light overhead. Her head throbbed, realizing now she was indeed in unfamiliar surroundings, perhaps it wasn't a dream after all...

She focused her eyes slowly and there in the corner of the room, was it? yes, Harvey, he was dressed casually in a navy trousers and top, seated in an armchair with his head in his hands. What was happening Donna thought. What was Harvey doing here. What was so wrong? _"Harvey?!"_ Donna's voice croaked _" Harvey,Where...Am...I?"_

 _"Hey..."_ Harvey jumped up out of the armchair and came to her side immediately " _Donna_ , _you're awake ... you ..you had me scared there..."._

 _"Everything..Everything is going be fine, do you hear me ... Donna you are going to be fine, I promise."_

 _"Whaaat happened.. Harvey? Where.. Am.. I?, What are you doing here?"_ Donna spoke slowly through the pain, her throat ached. _  
_

Next thing Donna knew Harvey was beside her,holding her hand. She had never seen him look so disheveled; he looked like he hadn't shaved in days.

 _"Donna its OK, you are in hospital."_

Donna knew something must be really wrong; Harvey and her had barely touched in years ... and now here he was by her bedside not letting go of her hand.

 _"_ _I don't understand ... "What happened?"_

 _"Donna .. its not important right now. What's important is that you get some rest."_ Harvey squeezed her hand tightly and smiled weakly.

" _Harvey, please... what am I doing here?"_ she pleaded. _  
_

 _"_ _How long have I been here?"_

Harvey tightened his grip on Donna's hand.

 _"Harvey! tell me!"_ .. Donna looked at him pleadingly...

 _"Two weeks ... they had you sedated ... had to... intubate you .. help you breathe ... they were waiting for the swelling to go down"._

 _"Oh!"_ ... was all that Donna could say, she was almost afraid to ask more, but she needed to know.

 _"What happened to me?"_ Instinctively she knew it must have been serious. _  
_

Harvey paused, choosing his words carefully _"You ... You had an accident."_ Well technically that was mostly true he thought.

 _"You fell Donna, you took quite a fall ... had us all very worried there for a while."_ Harvey's voice shook, he looked like he was going to cry. " _But now... now you're back with us."  
_

He sniffled back the tears, but it didn't escape Donna's eagle eyes ... something was different... something felt different between them.

Suddenly Donna felt a press of cold metal where Harvey was holding her hand.

Donna looked to her hand which Harvey was holding, there on Harvey's index finger was ... no .. was it ... it couldn't be, could it?

Donna quipped _"Since when did you start wearing jewellery Harvey Specter. So ... whose the lucky lady?"_ she joked. _  
_

Harvey smirked ... then his face slightly dropped, looking somewhat bewildered at her.

With that a nurse entered Donna's hospital room.

 _"Hi Donna, I'm Jean ... glad to see you are awake ... you had this one here worried to death." "I'm just going to do some checks and give you something to make you feel more comfortable. I'm sure you are still in a lot of discomfort, but that is normal dear, nothing to worry about."  
_

Jean helped Donna to get more comfortable in her hospital bed and gave her a drink and some pain medication to take.

Jean spoke to Donna gently _"There now, you'll feel more comfortable after taking those dear."_

Donna thought Harvey looked tired, drawn, almost older over night. Wait, had he stopped dying his hair too? she noticed some grey strands.

Suddenly remembering their current work situation Donna asked worriedly _"What about Mike?, did we get him out of prison yet?"_ , _"How is Rachel?"_

Harvey looked surprised _"Mike? ...out of where ... Out of Chicago you mean?"_

Donna looked at Harvey and shook her head _"Chicago?, what are you talking about Harvey? Mike is in Danbury"_

Harvey was suddenly alarmed, suddenly realizing Donna wasn't joking.

Suddenly Harvey tapped Jean the nurse on the wrist, _"May.. may I speak with you outside, now please!"_

Donna looked perplexed at Harvey's sudden look of panic. Had she caused his panic attacks to return she wondered.

Jean responded calmly to Harvey _"Sure thing, ... Donna we'll be back with you shortly dear, just some paperwork to sort out."_

Harvey was worried about something and Donna knew it. The nurses calm demeanor didn't fool her. Something was wrong!

Harvey and Nurse Jean walked out of the room leaving Donna a little worried, she knew something was bothering Harvey, but what?

Donna heard muffled noises talking outside her room for at least twenty minutes. She could have sworn she heard Rachel and Mike at one point. But Mike was still in prison, wasn't he? What was going on?

The next thing Donna knew her hospital door swung open and a pretty little girl in a pink dress with light brown hair parted into pig tales, hugging a stuffed teddy bear ran in. Smiling she ran straight to Donna's bed.

 _"Mommy, Mommy, look what Auntie Rachel got me."_

Donna gasped perplexed... _"hunny, sorry you must have the wrong room"_

Before Donna could say anything else a familiar face came flying into the hospital room ... " _Rachel!"_ ...?

 _"Lily come here ...Mo ... I mean Donna needs to rest"_ . It was Rachel... wasn't it? ... except her hair was cut shorter into a bob ...since when she thought. She was dressed in a beautiful military style knee length coat. Forever stylish, Donna smiled. It was Rachel alright.

 _"Rachel!_ "

What is going on Donna thought ... the joke must be on her.

" _Donna!"_ ... Rachel spoke out of breath.

 _"Rachel ... what is going on? ..."_

Rachel took the little girl into her arms and smiled broadly and somewhat bewildered at Donna.

 _"So happy you are OK Don"_ she said as she bent over Donna to kiss her cheek; she had tears in her eyes which Donna felt against her face.

 _"Just going to get Mike to watch Lily here"_

 _"Just a minute Don, I'll be back"_ ... Rachel swung around with the little girl in her arms leaving Donna more confused than ever. What was happening? ... was she losing her mind ... maybe she had a brain tumor ... she pinched her arm ... nope, unfortunately she was very much awake, she started to hyperventilate ... why was that little girl calling her Mommy ... what was going on ...?

Suddenly Harvey came into the room looking worried _"Donna!" "Are You OK...Listen I am going to explain everything!"_

 _"Harvey what. is. going. on .. if this is some bet? ... some joke with Mike or Louis? ... Donna waved her hands in the air... My God... you win ... you have me suitably fooled. "Why is Rachel sporting a bob haircut all of a sudden and do you have any idea... any idea what so ever why a three or four year old for that matter was calling me Mommy...?"_

Harvey looked at Donna and opened his mouth as if he was about to speak but suddenly changed his mind.

 _"Harvey ... what is going on? ... Please ..."_

 _"I'm just waiting on your Doctor, she would like to be here first and then we'll explain everything."_

The next thing Donna knew a doctor was entering the room. A tall slim lady doctor with short red hair, around fifty or so.

 _"Donna, I'm Dr. Cassidy, welcome back .. you had us very worried there ... I just think we need to have a little chat together."_

Donna looked from Harvey to the doctor and back again. What was happening ... she had so many questions ...

 **Would love to hear your views on the first chapter**

 **What is happening with Donna, any ideas? find out more in the next chapter ...**


	2. An Altered Reality

**Memories Lost**

 **Chapter Two**

 **An Altered Reality**

 **...**

 **Half an hour earlier**

 **Harvey's P.O.V.**

Over the last couple of weeks Harvey had felt the familiar sensation of panic rising once again within him; the sweating palms, the nausea, the shallow breathing and the sensation of choking. He hadn't felt like this in almost five years ... and now... but now it was different.. the stakes were even higher. He had to keep it together, if not for himself.. for his family. He felt like God must be punishing him. If it wasn't for his past mistakes, then Donna wouldn't have been targeted by Gallo and she certainly wouldn't be here right now.

Harvey had asked Jean, Donna's nurse, to follow him out to the hospital corridor beyond Donna's room, he needed to speak to her in private, out of earshot of Donna. With Donna's superior instincts he knew she would be sussing something was off and she wouldn't take no for an answer until she found out the truth!

When they reached the corridor, Harvey turned to Jean, his hands on his hips, he didn't know what to say. He had gotten to know Jean, the ICU nurse, so well these past couple of weeks .. she felt more like a friend at this stage. She had been there through it all. He put his hand through his hair and let out a breath ... _"Jean.. her memory, I think there is something seriously wrong with her memory"._

 _"_ _Harvey, look at me ... you've been through so much these past few weeks .. we.. are so lucky that Donna is even alive, her attack ... the fall she took .. remember we almost lost her and we discussed the possible side effects should she pull through ... memory loss being one of them?"_

Harvey nodded, he knew Jean was right, he was so lucky that Donna had survived Gallo's attack, but seeing her come around finally, his hopes had been raised so high, and now ... discovering that Donna's memory appeared to be affected, it was almost too much to bear ... wait... if she thought it was five years ago... did that also mean ... no surely... had she forgotten everything that had happened between them in the intervening years .. Harvey put his head in his hands ... Oh God he thought!

 _"Harvey I have alerted Dr. Cassidy, she has been part of Donna's medical neurology team, she's on her way here right now."  
_

Harvey nodded his thanks and decided to take a seat in the waiting area just right outside Donna's hospital room.

After a couple of minutes of staring at the walls ... trying to take it all in ...The next thing he knew, Mike and Rachel were arriving with little Lily in tow. Harvey smiled, he was so happy to see them. Harvey noted that Lily was sound asleep ... her arms hugging Rachel's neck; they had been so supportive these last few weeks, he didn't know what he would have done without them. Harvey knew that Mike had been blaming himself for Donna being put in Gallo's radar too.

Harvey shot up from his seat and Mike embraced Harvey with a comforting pat on the back ... _"we decided to come down early,... see if there was any change?"_ Mike added hopefully. Rachel greeted Harvey with a warm smile and leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek .

 _"Hey ...See ... nothing to worry about ... this little one is out for the count, fell fast asleep in the car on the way here."  
_

Harvey smiled _"There is news... she's come around ... she's awake."_

 _"Harvey... that's fantastic news ... when ...how is she?"_ Mike asked, but immediately he knew that something was wrong, Harvey should be more excited.

 _"Everything OK?"_ Mike asked warily.

Rachel had Lily in her arms, Harvey noted she was just starting to wake up.

"This little one has been so excited to see Mommy!."

 _"Daddy"_ Lily yawned and raised her hands out for Harvey.

 _"Thanks Rachel"_ , Harvey took his daughter into his arms and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

 _"Daddy"_ Lily said excitedly _... "I wanna see Mommy, Daddy"_ , " _want to show her my new teddy bear Auntie Rachel got me"_

Harvey hadn't noticed until now that Lily had been clutching a beautiful stuffed brown bear.

Rachel smiled broadly.

 _"Thanks Rach ",_ Harvey smiled in return. _  
_

 _"Least I could do Harvey."_

Mike spoke still concerned _"so how is she, something the matter?"_

 _"Well ... yes and no ... she seems to be fine, all things considered ... but there may be a slight problem with her memory."_ Harvey confided in Mike and Rachel quietly, noting that at four, Lily was already listening to every little word. _  
_

 _"_ _What do you mean ... problem?"_

Harvey quipped almost sarcastically _"Well for starters Mike, she seems to think you are still in Danbury Penitentiary"_

Rachel gasped putting her arm around Mike's waist and her other hand to her mouth.

 _"What... what's causing it?"_ Rachel asked worriedly.

 _"They're not sure, one of the neurology doctors is on her way here."_ Harvey replied

 _"_ _But then... wait ... does that mean... she forgets ... everything... from then onwards?" Rachel didn't know how to ask the inevitable questions.  
_

Harvey nodded _"It's possible ... I_ _think she may have lost five years of memories or there abouts."_

 _"But then ...if ... wait... then will she remember ... ?"_ Rachel put her hand to Lily's head, fearing the news that her best friend may not remember her beautiful family. _  
_

Harvey nodded crest fallen _"Who knows what she'll remember Rach, I just don't know yet."  
_

 _"We're here Harvey"_ Mike spoke assertively... _"anything you need .. anything at all...we're here."_

Harvey nodded in thanks to Mike.

Just then a tall red haired doctor arrived with Nurse Jean.

The doctor extended her hand to Harvey _"_ _Mr. Specter, you may remember me, we've met a couple of times, I'm Dr. Cassidy."_

 _"_ _Nurse Holmes has paged me .. you believe your wife may have some memory issues?"_

 _"Rachel could you take Lily again, would you mind?"_

 _"_ _Of course Harvey, we'll take her home ... call if you need anything, hear me?"_

 _Harvey gave Lily a give a huge hug and kissed her before passing her to Rachel" "Be good for Auntie Rachel and Uncle Mike, OK hunny?"_

 _"OK Daddy" Lily put her arms out for Harvey again and Rachel helped her lean over for another goodbye kiss._

Mike spoke then _"Rach ... just wait here a minute... just going to the restroom, then we'll head"_

Rachel replied _"Sure, no problem"_ and sat with Lily and her new teddy bear on her lap on the seats in the waiting area for a moment to wait for Mike to return.

 _Dr. Cassidy spoke then "_ _So, Mr. Specter, how about I come into your wife's room and we'll just have a little chat, a few questions, I should have a better idea of any memory loss then, plus I'm going to order some new MRI scans."  
_

Harvey nodded, appreciative of any help he could source for Donna.

 _"W_ _hat if she asks questions ... what do I say ? ... I don't want to scare her, but ... she has always known when I'm not fully truthful?"_

 _"_ _I have always believed ... answer truthfully; but let Donna take the lead; that way patients with memory loss can cope better, they tend to ask the questions they want answered in their own good time."_

 _"OK, if that's what you recommend?_ _"_ Harvey replied. He was uncertain of her idea, knowing that Dr. Cassidy didn't know Donna at all; if she did she would know that Donna would want to know everything, all at once, and would certainly not ask questions at a leisurely pace.

As Harvey and the doctor spoke, Lily still sat with Rachel and played with her new teddy bear, she watched the hospital door in front of her, she knew from the adults talking that her Mommy was in that room. All of a sudden she decided to take her opportunity and she made a dash through the door, with one thing on her mind. She wanted to see her Mommy.

Harvey gasped when he saw Lily dash through the door. "Lily, come here, Lily!"

 _"_ _It's OK Harvey .. I'll get her"_ Rachel dashed through in a flash, afraid that Lily might not get the response she expected from her Mommy.

Harvey was grateful for Rachel's quick action.

What now he thought, what now?

...

Harvey had joined Dr. Cassidy in Donna's hospital room and now Donna wanted answers. Of that he was certain.

Donna watched as Harvey got the red haired doctor a seat from beside the window and then placed it beside his seat at her bedside.

Gearing themselves up she thought to tell her the worst.

After she had sat down, Donna noted that the medical doctor had taken the medical chart from the end of her hospital bed. Harvey followed Donna's gaze and tried to give her a wide reassuring smile, but on the inside he was dying, he felt so sad and worried for her, he knew she must be so confused right now .. but he didn't know if this conversation was going to help or hinder her recovery and it scared him half to death. What could she remember? ... had she forgotten everything? ... only time would tell... if she had? ... how would she react to him? ... to their family?!

 _"_ _Oh"_ Donna gasped. _"It's like that?"_

Harvey looked perplexed for about the tenth time that day, Donna thought.

Donna gulped air and pulled the crisp white hospital sheets closer to her chest which was clad in a blue hospital gown. It was a defensive mechanism for whatever was to come...

Donna was used to being confident and in control, or at least playing the part of being in control ... but now ... now she felt the most vulnerable she had ever felt and it scared her more than anything else she had ever faced before.

 _"_ _As I said Donna, we'll have a little chat and see how things are going, then I'm going to run a few routine tests, nothing to worry about."_

Donna thought this lady doctor wasn't as good at acting like everything was fine as Nurse Jean had been.

 _"_ _So is this...is this the kind of chat... where I'm told I have six months to live!" Well come on then, red head to red head, give it to me straight, how long do I have?"_

Harvey gasped, not knowing where to look, was Donna using humor or was she being serious? Perhaps her way of coping he thought suddenly!

He decided to take her hand in his.

Now it must be bad she thought, Harvey Specter holding her hand more than once in a day! She must be dying !

Harvey tried to reassure her _"Nothing like that Donna, I promise, you, are going to be fine.. hear me... everything is going to be fine."_

The doctor interrupted _"_ _Donna .. I can see you are somewhat distressed, so shall I cut to the chase, so to speak?"_

The good doctor looked to Harvey, who nodded ... why was the doctor seeking his permission ... things just did not add up, Donna thought.

The doctor continued _"_ _I believe your ...your ... accident may have resulted in some memory loss"_

Donna felt relieved ... she wasn't dying .. so it wasn't a brain tumor after all.

 _"Donna can you tell me what month it is?"_

Easy one Donna thought and gave a little laugh.

 _"October, come on that's too easy. My favorite time of the year, Halloween."_ _  
_

 _"_ _And the year?"_

 _"_ _2015 of course!"_ Donna smiled but suddenly noticed Harvey wince and open his mouth in what was that expression ... shock!, disbelief!?

Donna started to get agitated ... _"What is this ... an interrogation?"_

 _"_ _Donna we are just trying to help you ... help you to remember"_ replied Dr. Cassidy. _  
_

 _"_ _Donna ... who is this man beside me?"_

 _"Come on ..._ _What am I... two?"_ Donna gasped in frustration ... _"Harvey of course!" or are you going to tell me I have that wrong too?"_ she smirked at Harvey.

 _"_ _And what or who is Harvey to you?"_

 _"He's my boss ... ... OK, OK I suppose you're a good friend too."_

Donna noticed Harvey looked so uneasy at her response. Maybe I should have said best friend, she thought, man he looked disappointed !

 _"OK_ _"_ ... Donna added smirking ... if you're gonna get that upset Mister ... _"He's also one of my closest friends."_

Harvey smiled ... but Donna couldn't help noticing the pain in his expression.

The doctor was writing frantically in the medical chart, Donna noted.

 _"_ _OK, something is wrong ... I demand to know ... don't patients have rights, I know for a fact that they do?"  
_

 _"Look I know I have been out for what... two weeks? So I may have gotten the date slightly off, Oh no, did I miss Halloween?"  
_

Harvey smiled weakly at Donna, if she only knew she had missed/forgotten five of them, he thought!

The doctor spoke gently _"Donna, what would you say if I said it wasn't October 2015 but December 15th 2020"_

Donna laughed expecting Harvey to follow suit ... but he looked deadly serious.

Donna, you appear to have some memory loss of perhaps up to 5 years ..."

 _"What?... no... it can't be ... I'd know ... I would ... Harvey tell her please... come on... what kind of sick game is this?"_

 _"Look ... Harvey said to the doctor ... can we have some time ... some space please?" I need time alone with my wif ...Donna I mean!"_ he recovered quickly.

 _"Sure"_ ... the doctor got up to leave with her medical bag in one hand and placed the medical chart back at the end of the bed _"I'll go arrange those tests"_.

When the doctor left, Harvey sat up beside Donna on her bed ... and went to hold her hand ... suddenly Donna jerked it away ... _"next thing you're going to tell me you are in on this sick game too, and what is with you holding my hand all of a sudden ... we don't touch for ten years and now ... now its like ...What is happening Harvey?" "And since when don't you shave every day?!" Donna noted again his unusually disheveled appearance.  
_

 _"Donna look at me please"_ .. Harvey put his hand to Donna's cheek and a tear dropped down...

 _"You know I couldn't lie to you if I tried .I'm not going to start now"._

 _"You mean ... you expect me to believe what she said ... no ...I'd remember ... wouldn't I ?"_

Donna quipped _"So what ... you expect me to believe that I wake up after an accident of some kind and you're telling me my life has turned into an episode of 'Days of Our Lives'?."_

 _"Hey!". Harvey retorted "Well that is a great show, you know Louis has set it to record every day."_

"Trust us ... humor in adversity!" Donna gasped.

Donna took Harvey's hand suddenly. She was scared...

 _"If ... If this is true... If what she was saying is true... then I've missed out on 5 years of my life Harvey!..."_

 _"_ _Donna it wasn't a coma ... you were very much here."_

 _"How do you know? How can you be so sure?" You mean we still work together?"_

 _"I know you haven't missed a thing. Because I was there with you ... ALL the way."_

Harvey's last comment made Donna shiver right to her core. She had lost five years of memories and he could still make her feel like that!

 _"You could say we're equal partners now"_ , Harvey quipped

Donna felt the cold metal once again against her hand. She stared down at Harvey's finger.

She felt the ring ... _"Harvey ... is this"? I hope ... I hope you are happy? ... I always wanted you to be happy"_ Donna had tears in her eyes. _  
_

Harvey couldn't take it any longer ... he had to let her know.

 _"_ _WE ... ARE happy Donna, we've been very happy ... for almost five years now"._

With that Harvey reached into his pocket and took out a diamond encrusted platinum wedding band ... What he did then made Donna start to hyperventilate ... Harvey took Donna's ring finger and placed the ring upon it. It was a perfect fit!

Donna looked at Harvey terrified ...

 _"_ _What ... What are you doing? ... I don't understand ..."_ she gasped! _  
_

 _"_ _No... surely, surely you can't mean ... no way ... us? ... we ?...when?"_ Donna gasped waving her hand in the space between them. _  
_

 _"Come on Donna ... you always knew we would end up together."_

Donna retorted _"Now I am dreaming ... an alternate surreal universe!"_

 _"_ _You even told me once that you knew we would end up together"_ Harvey looked at her lovingly. _  
_

 _"_ _We're ... married ...?!No joke ... You are serious?"  
_

" _Almost five years!"  
_

 _"_ _You're totally serious aren't you, oh my God ... I am going mad after all!"_

 _"Next you are going to tell me what ... that we have our very own Brady Bunch?!"  
_

 _"Actually when we are on that subject ... I do have something else to show you, although ... maybe its too much right now ...but ... OK here goes ... we've a little somebody who has been missing you like crazy!"_ He smiled reaching for his trouser pocket. _  
_

 _"What? What do you mean Harvey?"_ Donna felt she could not take any more surprises ... married to Harvey... this had to be a dream! _  
_

With that Harvey pulled a wallet out of his trousers ... he then took a picture from the wallet and handed it to Donna. Donna could not believe what she was seeing... It was a picture of a little girl beaming with a wide almost familiar smile, hugging a baby and kissing the top of it's head.

 _"This ... this ... is the little girl, that came into my room... what is this? Are these Mike and Rachel's kids?"_ She suddenly tried to put the jigsaw puzzle together in her head. _  
_

Harvey shook his head ... he had hoped for some recognition from Donna of their children .

 _"_ _No ... actually this is Lily Specter and her baby brother James, their wonderful Mom took this photo last month"_ Harvey said proudly. _  
_

 _"_ _Wait ... What are you saying Harvey? ... I... We ... have ... kids?"_

 _"_ _Two .. to be exact. We ... had a lot of lost time to catch up on"_ Harvey jibed! _  
_

Donna didn't know whether to laugh, cry or both...How could this be happening?

Donna continued to stare at the photo, although her memory was alluding her, the more she stared at the beautiful little girl and baby boy, the more she felt a connection, some kind of strange deja vu, Donna then held the photo to her chest and put her hand to her mouth and started to cry in disbelief. How could this be happening! _  
_

Harvey felt an urgent need to comfort his wife, but things were different now between them, she may have lost the more recent memories of them as lovers but surely the memories of them as confidantes, friends, close colleagues would sanction what he felt the need to do. Instinctively Harvey wrapped his arms around Donna, and kissed the top of her head.

Almost on cue the door opened, ruining their moment; a hospital porter had burst through.

"Right Mrs. Specter, I'm here to take you down to the Imaging Department for your MRI scan."

 **Cannot wait to share chapter three, arriving shortly! Thank you so much for all the reviews so far , Mary xxx  
**


	3. Her new reality'

**Memories Lost**

 **Chapter Three**

 **'Her new reality'** **  
**

Upon hearing the hospital porter enter the room, Harvey and Donna broke apart from their embrace. Donna wiped the tears from her eyes while still clutching the photo. It was all so much to take in ...

 _"_ _Mrs. Specter!?" ..._ She looked at Harvey in bemusement.

 _"_ _I changed my name?!,"_ Donna had always thought herself to be an independent and modern woman and never expected that she would use her husband's surname, if she ever got married.

Harvey put his hands in the air in surrender.

 _"_ _Hey!... it was totally your idea. You didn't at first ... then when Lily was born ... you said you wanted us to all have the same surname ... said you felt closer as a family unit that way."_

Funny ... Donna thought ... Lily must have really changed her views on life. She smiled to herself at the name Lily, she knew it meant Harvey had made amends with his mother. But suddenly she felt a pang of guilt that the little girl had run in to see her earlier and she didn't have a clue who she was.

Harvey noticed Donna's saddened expression.

 _"_ _You know Donna ... everything will be fine ... we'll get through this ... together"._

Donna looked up and smiled shyly at Harvey ... still adjusting to their changed status ... she didn't know how to be around him now ... two kids together ... wow! Harvey, a father, go figure, she couldn't imagine it! In her mind it felt like only yesterday, that she was working for Louis, and Harvey was still mad at her about that. Now ... she didn't know what to think ... or to feel ... how was she going to adapt ... would she ever remember ... how would things be between them now ... she felt lost ...

Donna was suddenly pulled out of her thoughts when the hospital porter approached her with a wheelchair; this was all too much, she had always been so healthy and independent, would she ever be the same Donna as before ... but that Donna, the one she remembered was gone, by all accounts ... who was she now ... a wife? ... a mother? ... would she know how to be either ...

Donna then realized the friendly nurse Jean had returned to her room.

 _"_ _So Donna, the medical team think that we should try get you up out of bed, remove the catheter ... it is standard procedure to get patients out of bed as soon as possible now. It helps prevent blood clots and muscle wastage."_

Donna looked at Harvey nervously _"OK ... think I can manage that"._

 _"_ _You sure ...?."_ Harvey wanted her to have the option to opt out ... she had enough to contend with he feared!

Donna nodded _"It's OK Harvey, I'll try"._

 _"_ _OK then, if you're sure?"_ Harvey got up from the bed to allow the medical staff to get to work.

Jean started to pull the curtains around the hospital bed so Donna could have some privacy.

Harvey suddenly felt awkward standing there ... the whole situation was surreal for him too ... suddenly his status had gone from that of a lover and husband ... back to what... a friend, a colleague even ... maybe it was ironic payback he thought, for all the years he kept her waiting to admit his true feelings ...

He decided that Donna deserved her space, he realized she may need time to come to terms with her new reality in privacy.

 _"_ _I'll just be right outside, give you a chance to get sorted, I've a few phone calls to make, your parents, Louis; they are all waiting anxiously for news!"  
_

Donna nodded nervously to Harvey _"OK ... sure thing. Thanks Harvey."_

Donna knew she loved Harvey, but hated to admit she was slightly relieved that she would have some time to think ... alone ... to adjust ... was it even possible to adapt to this reality if she couldn't retrieve those precious memories!

Harvey stepped out of the way, letting the medical staff do their work.

 _"_ _I'll be right outside, making those calls",_ he affirmed as he exited the room with his phone in his hand.

...

After the medical team had removed the catheter and other medical devices, Nurse Jean helped Donna to sit up in the bed and then assisted her, along with the porter, to sit into the wheelchair. Donna felt stiff all over and extremely weak. Jean had helped her to put one foot in front of the other. Donna felt tired already, every move took such effort ... would she ever be the same energetic Donna as before, she wondered!

Noting the pressure that Donna was under, Jean tried to reassure her, _"Don't worry ... it's totally normal after a head trauma to have difficulty with movement. It will get easier ... you are doing extremely well and so quickly too... with some physio you will be running around in no time."_

Once in the wheelchair, Donna felt the need to use the washroom. She felt embarrassed at having to ask ... she suddenly realized what people say is true ... that dignity goes out the window when you are a patient in hospital. She had taken her health for granted before now.

 _"_ _I'd like to use the restroom"_ Donna admitted, feeling as if she was a toddler all over again.

 _"_ _Sure thing,"_ Jean replied as she turned Donna's wheelchair around and brought her over to a door in the corner of the room next to the window.

Donna could see through the curtains that it was getting dark outside. She suddenly wondered where her ... where her children were. She suspected that Mike and Rachel must be looking after them. They had always been such wonderful friends.

Jean showed Donna that the restroom was wheelchair accessible and had handrails in all the necessary places.

Once there, Jean told Donna she would wait for her outside if she wanted privacy. Donna nodded _"I'd appreciate that, thanks Jean."_

After using the restroom facilities, Donna went to wash her hands; there she saw herself for the first time since she had woken up.

The image looking back at Donna shocked her and she gasped putting her hand to her mouth ... she barely recognized herself ... she had bruising ... lots of bruising and a bandage at the side of her head. She noted how her hair was a much lighter color than before, almost a strawberry blonde. Donna noted how the bruising was a yellow/green color ... as if it had faded somewhat ... she could only imagine how horrific it must have looked when she first came to hospital over two weeks ago. Donna felt there was more to her injuries than she had been told. Surely a random fall wouldn't cause this... On the up side...she noted that her skin, although extremely pale was smooth, almost wrinkle free ... mmmh... she thought to herself ... Donna girl ... you've been dabbling in Botox ... she shook her head ... at least 42 she thought looked as youthful as 37 had been!

Suddenly, Donna was curious about something else too ... she raised her gown and placed her hand to her stomach ... she sighed noting that her stomach was not as firm as she had remembered and she spotted that there were three or four faint little lines ... were they stretchmarks?... she pressed her hand to them ... amazed ! ... this was physical evidence she thought ... that she had been pregnant; she had dreamed of having children one day ... remembered losing hope of it ever happening and now the irony, that it had indeed happened, with Harvey Specter of all people, and she couldn't even remember the experience; that fact saddened her more than she could have ever imagined!

Suddenly Donna was pulled from her thoughts once again, _"_ _Are you alright in there Donna?"_ the nurse asked concerned from behind the restroom door.

 _"_ _Sorry Jean, yes, I'm ready."_ Donna quickly pulled her gown down. _  
_

Jean entered, immediately helping Donna back into the wheelchair.

 _"_ _Right ... down to the Imaging Department for this MRI scan"._

Donna was extremely nervous ... what would the scan show? ... would the damage to her memory be permanent? What then ...?

Once outside her hospital room, Donna saw Harvey patiently waiting in one of the seats, he was looking at his phone, wow!, phones had really gotten slimmer in 5 years she thought to herself.

 _"Hey there", "just heading down for this scan now",_ Donna spoke to Harvey, who had sprung to attention, up out of his seat upon hearing Donna.

"So I called your parents, they are coming down tomorrow, they were so relieved Donna! ... and Louis and Jessica too!, they've been great, holding the fort at the office for us and all. Jessica flew from Chicago especially ...they send their love ...

Donna smiled, it was a relief to hear about family and friends ... that they were alive and well ... she couldn't handle any more shocks ...

 _Then Jean interrupted "Harvey you may want to keep Donna's ring safely for her again ", unfortunately she won't be able to wear that beautiful piece of jewellery in the scanning machine."_

 _"No problem, I've kept it safe for two weeks already", he smiled._

Harvey placed his hand on Donna's hand and slowly took the wedding band off. He looked into her eyes as he did so ... suddenly Donna was nervous ... the way his touch had affected her ... she looked away confused ...

 _"I'll make sure I keep it safe"_ , he promised, putting the ring into his pocket once again.

 _"Thanks. See you when I get back Harvey."_

Harvey then placed his hands on Donna's head and placed a kiss on top. _  
_

 _Jean cut in, suddenly aware of keeping their appointment with the busy Imaging Department, "Sorry folks, we really will have to get going, the appointment is in 5 minutes. Just going to get the scans completed, won't take long, don't worry, she'll be back before you know it!"_

 _"You'll be fine Donna, I'll be here waiting",_ Harvey reassured her.

And with that she was being pushed down the corridor by the hospital porter, with Nurse Jean following along beside them.

As they proceeded down the corridor, Donna looked back around at Harvey.

He smiled at her broadly, that smile she had always loved, and mouthed 'you'll be fine'.

Donna smiled in return and mouthed a 'thank you'.

With that, Harvey decided to go into Donna's hospital room, and anxiously await her return. He desperately hoped the latest MRI results would bring good news.

...

It was dark when Rachel and Mike pulled up their car outside Harvey and Donna's townhouse , a beautiful brownstone house they had bought after Lily was born. Mike and Rachel had been staying there along with Harvey's mom and June, the family's nanny. Harvey needed all the support he could get right now.

Rachel looked from her seat on the passenger side into the rear of the car ... In her car seat, Lily lay sleeping, clutching her teddy bear in a full hug. Rachel's heart sank.

 _"_ _Mike" ._.. she sighed ... they were both exhausted, both physically and mentally from the past two weeks _"What if, ... Donna ... what if she doesn't remember?"_

Mike clutched his wife's hand in an attempt to comfort her _"She will!"_

"And if she doesn't?" Rachel wasn't so sure, _"you weren't in that room Mike ... she barely recognized me today ... and absolutely no recognition of Lily"_ Rachel's voice broke.

 _"_ _Then..."_ Mike spoke slowly, contemplating... _"We'll help them deal with that too."_ _"If it wasn't for Harvey, we wouldn't even have met, I owe him so much Rachel... so much" I just can't help thinking though maybe they would have been better off without meeting me ... then ... then Donna would never have been put in this situation ..._ Mike's voice broke ...he had tears in his eyes.

Now Rachel was the one to comfort her husband _"You...you.. Have to stop beating yourself up about this ... both you and Harvey, Mike ... this was Gallo's doing ... not yours."_

 _"_ _Come on, its getting cold we better get Lily inside, Harvey's mom will be wondering where we have got to Mike"._

...

Upon entering Harvey and Donna's beautiful townhouse, they noted through the french doors that the light was still on in the rear kitchen ... "Lily must be still up, I'll go chat to her for a bit, update her on the situation.

 _"_ _OK"_ nodded Rachel _" "I'll get this little one to bed,"_ , Rachel said quietly, as she climbed the stairs with a sleeping Lilly junior.

 _"_ _Thanks Rach,"_ Mike added, as he headed to the kitchen to update Harvey's Mom.

...

Upon entering the kitchen, Mike spotted Lily sleeping in an armchair in the corner of the kitchen, the baby monitor beside her on a beautiful ornate kitchen dresser. She had been a wonderful support to everyone, it still amazed him how Harvey has reconciled with her after so many years. Now she was a central part of the family.

Suddenly Lily stirred after Mike had tried to gently close the kitchen doors. Lily was used to being alert for the sound of the baby. She had taken over from June, the nanny, who was on her night off.

 _"_ _Hey it's only me, it's Mike"_ , he didn't want to alarm her.

 _"_ _Mike ... You're back ... everything OK?_ ," Lily inquired anxiously.

Mike thought , where would he begin ... how would he begin to explain...

"Lily ... I have some great news, Donna's awake! " Mike figured from his life experience to date, always start with the positive news first!

...

 **Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, following etc. I really appreciate it!**

 **Going to start typing up chapter 4 tomorrow, Love always, Mary xxx**


	4. Steps to recovery

**Memories Lost**

 **Steps to recovery**

 **Chapter 4**

It had been almost two hours since Donna had been taken down to the Imaging Department for the latest MRI scans. Harvey was beginning to worry, although he trusted Jean who had accompanied her there, he still couldn't help being afraid ... but mostly he knew he was afraid of the test results!

While waiting, Harvey had time to think, alone with his thoughts ...too much time ... he had felt the panic start to build once again.

Then his phone had buzzed ... a message from Mike ... **'Harvey, Everything is fine here. The kids are asleep thanks to Rachel and your Mom. I updated your Mom with the latest news, she sends her love and wants me to tell you not to lose hope, she has a feeling that everything will work out just** **fine; And for the record Rach and I also share her views. Chat later! Mike**

Harvey smiled at the mention of his Mom ... he had been so stubborn and lost so much valuable time that they could have shared together. Donna had helped Harvey to reconnect with Lily and once his children had been born he had felt even more ridiculous at the way he had treated his mother over the years. Becoming a father had changed him in ways he had never thought possible. Before Donna became pregnant with Lily he had not considered nor entertained the notion of having children; but the happiness he and Donna had shared had changed his views on life and what was really important ... family!

With that thought in mind he smiled as he began to scroll through images of their family on his phone. Happy times, everyday life, birthdays, Christmas and of course Halloween, Donna's favorite !

After a few minutes, Harvey noted the time on his phone, it was almost 11 pm; he was looking at a beautiful photo of Donna holding baby James after he was born; then the door opened ...

 _"_ _Now ... we're back ... finally! apologies for the delay ... there were some more urgent patients that had to take priority,"_ Jean explained while she opened the door for the porter to push Donna through in the wheelchair. Harvey put his phone on Donna's bedside table and stood up.

Harvey thought Donna looked tired upon her return ...

She gave him a smile but nothing could hide her tiredness.

 _"_ _Hey",_ she whispered weakly.

 _"_ _Hey,"_ Harvey smiled back, so happy to see her return.

 _"_ _So the testing went very well ... Dr. Cassidy and Professor Li will be here in the morning to go through the results ... I can't go into detail ... but ... I can say they found nothing that required urgent medical attention. And unofficially, from my experience ... that's a very good sign folks! "  
_

Harvey beamed a wide smile in Donna's direction and let out a breath, he felt so relieved! Perhaps in time he thought, with further recovery, her memory should return.

She smiled back, also looking relieved, but utterly exhausted at the same time.

Jean also aware of Donna's tiredness added," _We'll just get Donna set up, back in bed for the night ... should only take twenty minutes or so ..."_

Harvey nodded, noting that was his cue to leave ... he nodded at Donna smiling, adding that he was going to wait outside while Jean and the porter got Donna ready for bed for the night.

After twenty minutes or so ...Jean was leaving Donna's room and she spoke with Harvey, _"we are bringing down a counselor and a cognitive and occupational therapist to see Donna in the morning; the medical team feel it is a very important step to help with her recovery. As you are her next of kin, we just wanted to check with you Harvey?.."_

Harvey nodded his approval of the plan _,"Sure thing, anything that you feel will help Donna, lets do it! I want the works, money isn't an issue! Whatever it takes!"  
_

Jean continued _," Also you know .. we mentioned before, the police are going to want to get a statement from Donna, now that she's awake!"_

Harvey nodded, he knew this would be an issue, after all he was a lawyer, and knew that the police would want a statement from Donna following her attack. At least Gallo was dead ... at least that ... that was some consolation. He couldn't hurt her any more ... it was over ... now it was just a matter of recovery, he hoped!

 _"_ _We've told them about her memory loss, tried to hold them off for a little bit longer ... but they are going to want to speak to her as soon as possible."_

 _"_ _I know, thanks Jean, thanks for everything you have done for Donna, I really appreciate it!"_

 _"Not a problem Harvey, that's what we are here for..._ _Right so ... see you in the morning Harvey!"_

 _"_ _Thanks Jean, Goodnight."_

 _"_ _Night Harvey",_ and with that she was gone for the night. _  
_

...

As Harvey went to re-enter Donna's room, he held the door open for the porter leaving with the wheelchair.

 _"_ _Hey there,"_ Donna beamed as she saw Harvey return.

 _"_ _Hey yourself "_ ... _"How you feeling? Harvey looked concerned she thought and exhausted!_

 _"Tired_ _... but then again ... I feel like I've lived five years in one day ... so... it's probably going to tire anybody out ... right?!"_

 _"I know ... actually no ... I have no idea Donna ... I think you are amazing! ... it is so much to take in! ... and I just want you to know ... I realize it must be strange for you ... overwhelming ... even just hearing about us! ... but we'll take it at your pace ... OK, no pressure?"_

Donna smiled laughing a little, _"Harvey Specter ... you've become soft in your old age! ..."_

 _"Just a bit, and less of the old please, I've still got it you know!"_ Harvey smiled in return _"promise you won't tell anyone Donna,I've a reputation to uphold, best closer in New York, remember"_

Donna rolled her eyes at Harvey and laughed, it almost felt like old times with them, she missed that ...

 _"Happy to see I can still make you laugh!"_ Harvey then pulled a seat over towards Donna's bed and sat down.

Suddenly Donna heard a phone buzz ... she looked over at her bedside table.

"Wanna get that? It's OK, go on, it might be important".

With Donna's go ahead, Harvey grabbed his phone from the bedside table ...It was from Mike ... he looked at the message on his phone and Donna could see him smile ...

 _"What, what is it? Everything alright...?"  
_

Harvey didn't know whether to tell Donna about the message he had just received from Mike. But he knew he didn't lie to her and he wasn't going to start now.

 _"_ _It's ... It's ...Mike ... he is after sending me pictures,"_ Harvey admitted.

 _"Pi_ _ctures of what?,"_ Now Donna was curious.

 _"_ _Of our ... of ... the kids ... sleeping!."_ Harvey felt strange, almost tip-toeing around such a normal everyday thing.

 _"_ _Oh, "_ _"_ _Donna gasped, may I see?"_

Surreal and unnerving, Harvey figured, Donna feeling she had to seek permission from him to see their children.

 _"_ _Of course"_ Harvey responded immediately to Donna's request.

He handed over the phone to her.

There in Donna's hands on Harvey's phone was a montáge ... two pictures ... Lily and baby James sleeping .. they looked heavenly. It brought tears to Donna's eyes. Her heart leapt; strange feelings swept through her, she felt so connected ... in a way she had never thought possible ...

 _"_ _They look so precious!"_

 _"_ _They ARE precious!",_ Harvey choked back tears, seeing Donna obviously so affected by seeing their children. It gave him hope!

 _"They ... they ... love you so much Donna ... Lily has been asking ... when you are coming home every day ...!_

 _"Home ... funny that ... I don't even know where that is anymore!"_ Donna admitted sadly.

This admission almost broke Harvey's heart.

 _"Donna ... Look ... here is a picture ..._ Harvey quickly scrolled through his phone images, to a picture of their family home. _  
_

 _"See here it is ... you even picked it out ...!"_ He said proudly, remembering the day four years ago when he, Donna and Lily had first moved in. _  
_

Donna looked at the gorgeous brownstone house, Harvey claimed was their family home, wow!, She had always thought they were perfect to raise a family in.

 _"Harvey, it is so beautiful ... so wait! you are telling me that Harvey Specter finally gave up his condo?!"_ Donna quipped somewhat lightening the mood.

 _"Well when Lily arrived ... we just couldn't move in my condo, what with all the baby things you had bought and all ... the decision was made for me"_ Harvey smiled.

Donna went quiet suddenly, she loved to hear about their history together ... but at the same time it saddened her so much that these memories were lost to her now ... she prayed she would recover them ...!

 _"Harvey, I've been wondering ... How did we? ... how did we you know ?... finally... ?"_

Harvey smiled, _"You mean, when did I finally stop running scared from how I really felt about you?"  
_

Donna smiled, so she had been right all along ... he had just been scared to admit how he had felt!

 _"Jessica left to move to Chicago with Jeff ... remember him?"_

Donna nodded smiling... she was happy Jessica had found somebody and had followed her heart.

 _"The night she left ... I was lost ... you came into my office ... saw me staring out the office window ... you asked if I wanted to be alone ...and in that moment Donna... I knew ... I knew I was tired of running scared ... of running away from us ... then you held my hand."_

Harvey smiled at this point in the story and looked lovingly at Donna... _"I knew I didn't want to be alone without you ever again Donna!"  
_

Donna smiled , _"And you didn't run for the hills when we touched, I'm impressed!"_

 _"No I wanted to ... but I dunno ... call it fate ... call it timing ... that night ... it just felt right Donna ... It was time!"_

 _"And after that?!"_ Donna smirked raising an eyebrow/?" She felt bold asking!

 _"Lets just say you had breakfast at my place the next morning!"_ Harvey smiled coyly at Donna... _"After that, it was a whirlwind ... I suppose we had known each other so long, we figured there was no need to wait any longer ... it was meant to be ... it just all felt so natural between us..!"  
_

 _"Thanks Harvey, I really needed to hear that ... you know ... it's been ... I mean it is so scary to wake up and not remember ... I just need to feel connected ... something tangible ... something to slot the jigsaw pieces together in my mind ... there is also something else I need?"_

 _"Anything Donna ... I'd do anything for you!"_ Harvey looked lovingly at her, and she knew he would, in that moment she knew ...

 _"I want to meet them ... I mean ... I want to see them .. Harvey !, The kids!"  
_

 _"Are you sure you're ready for that?! ,"_ Harvey worried that it would be too much too soon for Donna.

 _"You said anything ... right?!"_ Donna almost felt hurt, did he not trust her?

 _"Of course Donna, if you feel ready, then I'm with you 100 %!"_

 _"I'm not sure I'm ready Harvey... but ...it's not about me... its about them ... well especially Lily ... she must be wondering ... it's not good for her ... I'll even pretend for her that nothing has changed ... that I remember ...?"_

Harvey smiled , _"You really are something else Donna, always thinking of others ... even now... "_

Harvey was mesmerized by the empathy of the woman he had married, even now, even when she should be focusing on herself ... she was thinking of the needs of others.

 _"No Harvey ... I just feel ... its the right thing to do for them ... plus who knows ... seeing them ... well ... it may jog my memory, its worth a try."_

 _"OK, ... you're right, as always !... I'll have Rachel and Mike bring them around tomorrow"._

Suddenly Donna saw Harvey stifle a yawn.

 _"Where ... have you been sleeping, Harvey?"_

 _"_ _It depends, ... here ... mostly ... on that armchair over there ...and I've been keeping a room at The Four Seasons around the corner from here ..."  
_

 _"Well, Harvey Specter ... you are going to that very hotel room tonight!"_

Harvey was about to protest, but he knew Donna would get her way, she always did.

 _"You know I won't take no for an answer Harvey .. after all ... you won't be much use to me now, will you, if you drop from exhaustion ?"_

Harvey could see Donna was right ... as always she was right.

Reluctantly he agreed _"OK, but I'm just around the corner ... I can be back in 5 minutes if you need anything ... oh ... and your phone is right here!"_ Harvey said, as he opened the bedside table drawer and handed Donna her cell phone.

Donna took the phone, noting how much slimmer it looked than the cell phone she remembered, she swiped at the screen and noted she had a family photo as her screen saver.

 _"When was that taken?"_

 _"Lily's birthday, last month,"_ Harvey replied, while looking longingly at the beautiful family picture taken in happier times.

They looked so happy, Donna thought, staring at the image in front of her... feeling a strange connection to the figures in the photo, but also at the same time, feeling like they were somebody else's family.

In the photo, Donna and Harvey were sitting down, Donna was wearing a beautiful blue and red wrap dress, her strawberry blond hair was piled up high on her head; baby James sat on her lap smiling; he appeared to have sandy colored hair and was dressed in a beautiful blue and white striped outfit, something from Baby GAP she figured. Harvey was beaming in white trousers and a navy shirt and holding Lily, dressed in a pretty red dress; she had her hands out to the camera excitedly... she obviously knew whoever was taking the picture! Donna thought smiling at the happy family shot ... she just wished she could remember!

Staring further at the picture, Donna noted a huge resemblance _,"Lily looks like you Harvey, a little clone!, I can totally see it now!"_ ; Donna beamed proudly.

 _"And people say James is like your side of the family, a true Paulsen!"_ Harvey added.

 _"Well that must make my Dad super happy then!"._

 _"My Mom took the picture ... she's going to paint a portrait of it for us."_

 _"Oh Harvey, that would be lovely." I'm so happy you two reconnected!"_

 _"So am I Donna, so am I; I wasted too much time,"_ Harvey replied with noticeable regret in his voice.

 _"OK so, I'd better head ... you need to get some rest, and I'll see you in the morning"_ , Harvey leaned over kissing Donna gently on her cheek.

Donna blushed, damn you Harvey Specter, she thought, how he affected her whenever they touched! It would take some getting used to! Although, the idea of getting closer to Harvey was becoming more and more appealing to her with every moment they spent together.

 _"OK Harvey. Thanks! See you in the morning!"_ She smiled shyly at his retreating form. _  
_

Harvey waved to her and smiled as he opened the door and left for the night.

Now alone with her thoughts she considered, how things had changed so much between them and yet he was still her Harvey! That fact made her smile!

Lying back exhausted into her pillows; Donna knew that tomorrow would be another huge day; when she would be taking important steps on her road to recovery and reconnecting with her family. She prayed that she would be able to retrieve those precious family memories upon seeing her children !

 **Thank you so much for reading, reviewing etc.**

 **Chapter 5 should be up very soon! Love, Mary xxx**


	5. Memories returning

**Memories Lost**

 **Chapter 5**

 **'Memories returning'**

It was after 1 am when Harvey arrived back at his room in the Four Seasons; although he had kept the room here, as it was so close to Donna's hospital, he had barely stayed there, other than for showering and changing clothes. He preferred to be at Donna's side, just in case ... he didn't want her to be alone ... but she was right ... now that she was awake... he would be of no use to her, if he collapsed from exhaustion. He needed a decent nights sleep in a proper bed.

Opening the door to the luxurious suite, Harvey turned on the light, although it was a beautiful room, one Donna would have loved, she wasn't here to enjoy it with him. Coming back to the hotel room alone reminded him of his lonely bachelor days ... before Donna and the kids had turned his life upside down in the most positive way possible ... Now he was used to coming home to a warm and loving atmosphere ... lots of noise ... chaos ... happy chaos; how he missed it ... how he missed the happy family life they had built together. He hoped that those days would return soon!

He sighed! He was utterly exhausted, spent ... but still felt like he needed a shower badly, hospitals always made him like 'ugh'. Harvey moved towards the washroom, after using the toilet and going to wash his hands he looked at himself in the mirror, Jeeze, he thought, what a mess! He ran his hand along the 3 day old stubble; he was almost sporting a beard at this stage; his face was grey with worry and exhaustion ... poor Donna, how had she even recognized him; he'd fix that, he thought, he found his wash bag, and took out his razor and shave gel and got to work.

After shaving, Harvey felt better already, he wiped the last of the shaving gel from the side of his face with a towel, then removing his clothing he got into the powerful rain shower. Funny how this experience was the only thing that had comforted him over the last two weeks, the only sanctuary he had been able to somewhat relax for 5 minutes. He turned on the faucet and felt the welcome hot water cascade down over his head, shoulders and body; almost washing his problems away, almost ...

After his shower Harvey finished drying himself off, then put on a clean top and pajama bottoms, then moved towards the bed; he set his alarm for 6 am, he didn't want to risk not being there when Donna woke up. He looked to the corner of the room and saw a new suitcase ... his Mom ... he figured! She had been leaving fresh clothes to his hotel room. He didn't know what he would have done without her support and the support of their friends. Mike and Rachel had been helping to look after the kids, ferrying them between the family home, the hospital and playschool. They were trying to make sure that life had continued as normal as possible for them. When he had tried to explain to Lily that her Mom was in hospital, it was difficult for her to understand; she had even thought it meant that they were getting a new baby ... he supposed it made sense, the last time Lily had seen her Mom in hospital, James had just arrived.

What a day he thought as he fell onto the bed putting his arms over his head... what a day! ... at least Donna was awake ... he was so thankful that she had come around and that she was so well, much better than the medical team had predicted.

He had been so hopeful two days ago when they began to remove Donna's sedation, they had been able to stop the bleeding from the injuries to her head through surgery... they started to bring her around gradually ...they had been satisfied from the previous MRI scans that the bleeding to her brain had stopped and the swelling had reduced enough that it was safe to try bring her out of the induced coma. They had warned him of lasting side effects. Telling him they wouldn't know the extent of her injuries until she came around. She had fallen almost 20 feet and hit her head against a metal bar; only for the scaffolding and tarpaulin she had fallen onto she would have died. He knew, by all accounts that she was incredibly lucky to have survived at all. Harvey hoped her memories returned ... but if they didn't, he would help her deal with that too, he was just so happy that she was alive!

The last two weeks had been a nightmare, Harvey wondered what tomorrow would bring ..., he smiled knowing how excited Lily would be to see Donna. He was thankful that 8 month old James was blissfully unaware of the events of the last two weeks. At least he had been spared any trauma.

Harvey thought about how he couldn't bring himself to go to their office building since the attack on Donna. Louis and Jessica had been taking care of business. Jessica's name was now back on the wall for the last year, they now had a Chicago office which Jessica ran. Mike and Rachel had even moved to the Chicago office for a year; they were about to return to New York when this had happened. He was so appreciative of their immediate return. Although he and Donna had their nanny and his mom was also helping out, he needed all the support he could get ... anyway he had missed Mike and Rachel. Jessica had also returned to help Louis out upon hearing of the awful news. Poor Louis, he had been devastated about Donna, Harvey knew they were as close as a brother and sister. Louis and Jessica were planning to come visit tomorrow too. Her parents were arriving from Cortland also. He worried so many visitors would be too much for Donna, but he knew how important family and friends were to her and knew that keeping them away would possibly do more harm than good for her. Perhaps seeing them all would aid her recovery, jog her memory, he could only pray that it would.

He began to think back to that awful night ... wished it had been him and not Donna ... he had done his fair share of 'what if's' over the past few weeks ... what if he had returned to the office that night instead of her ... what if he had gone looking for her sooner... what if ?

It turned out Gallo had been watching them for days ... then seized his opportunity for revenge.

Harvey turned over in bed ... trying to push the thoughts ... the guilt away ... just for a couple of hours.

Eventually the tiredness won out and Harvey slept.

...

 _ **Meanwhile back in Donna's hospital room ...**_

If Harvey had been in Donna's hospital room right now he would have seen her toss and turn ...

Donna was running, she didn't know where, she didn't know why ... all she knew was that she needed to get away from something ... something terrible ... she was terrified! ... It was dark ... so dark, before she knew what was happening she was on a roof top ... trying to find a hiding place ... then ... it was too late ... the terrible thing, had followed her, he was here, he had a knife, it was too late to hide ... she backed away from him ... She pleaded with him, 'Please ... no! I have children!, please ...! he didn't care ... he just laughed menacingly at her ... 'THERE IS NOWHERE TO RUN DONNA! ... He knew her name! he moved closer to her, with the knife ... Donna edged closer and closer to the rails at the side of the building, she looked down terrified over the rails, there was no way out ! ... THIS WAS IT! she thought... this was how it ended for her ... Harvey and her babies came into her mind again ... she wished she could see them .. one last time ... ! Looking down she knew she wouldn't survive ... she was frantic ... but then looking around over her right shoulder she saw some hope, maybe 2 or 3 floors down, she saw a scaffolding platform, it was still too far ... but maybe ... just maybe it was her only chance if it came to it and he pushed her over the edge ... She had never felt so terrified in her whole life and yet so determined to survive. She knew she had to survive ! Suddenly he came at her with the knife, they struggled, she was desperate to live, she kicked him .. desperately she wanted to live ... suddenly the knife dropped, 'YOU B*TCH' he had yelled . A further struggle ensued ... he was trying to throw her over the side of the building ... Donna summoned up strength she never knew existed ... she had to survive ... she fought back with all her might but he was too powerful ... then it happened ... they both fell ... fell into darkness ...

Donna awoke ... gasping for air! ... she bolted straight upwards ... she was drenched in sweat ... panting ... where was she? ... what was happening? ... she felt herself ? she was alive ... she swallowed ... what had happened ? she wanted to be sick ... she heaved ... then breathing in and out deeply ... Donna suddenly became aware of her surroundings ... suddenly she remembered she was in hospital ... Dear God it was only a dream ... it all came back to her ... Harvey ...her memory loss ... then she remembered sending him to the hotel to sleep. She desperately needed to talk with him. Donna found her phone beside her on the beside table and quickly fidgeted and swiped at the screen, she was shaking, with trembling fingers she scrolled through the phone.

Harvey's name was first on the log of calls. After a couple of attempts she managed to press the button to call him. She needed him close, she needed to know what really happened to her ... was this a bizzare nightmare, or were they memories ?... God she hoped not ... what had happened to her?!

The phone was ringing while Donna was still shaking.

Then she felt such relief once she heard his voice.

 _"Donna ... Are you OK?"_ he almost shouted in panic.

 _"Harvey... ! I need to see you ... please ... I need you here"_ Donna was sobbing uncontrollably. _"I think ... I think I'm remembering what happened ...!"_

 _"Donna ... Donna listen to me... I'm on my way ... you're going to be OK!"_

Then Donna dropped her phone and the connection was gone.

Harvey shot up out of bed, through on some clothes and ran as fast as he could towards the hospital,towards Donna.

When he got to Donna's hospital room, Harvey was out of breath, he felt so relieved to see her .. all sense of holding back ... of giving her space went immediately.

He ran to her on her bed and enveloped her into his arms.

 _"Shush, I've got you, I've got you"_ ... Donna was holding onto him for dear life, sobbing uncontrollably.

 _"What happened Donna ... what happened?" It's OK .. you're OK ... I've got you ... You're safe now!"_

Harvey held her tight, kissing the top of her head and rubbing her back gently.

 _"I ... I ... think... I remember Harvey ... what happened to me ... what really happened?"_

Harvey held her even tighter ... _"all that matters is that you are OK now ... I'm here ... I love you so much ... and nothing ... nobody is ever going to hurt you like that again ... I promise"_ Harvey knew he had once promised this before, but he had let her down ... never again, he thought, never again!

 _"I was on the roof,"_ she sobbed _"I tried to get away ... I was so scared Harvey... I thought that was it ... that I'd never see you again"._

 _"You're safe now, I've got you"._ Harvey choked back his own tears as he held her tightly in his arms. _  
_

With that Donna looked up at Harvey, she looked grief stricken. _  
_

He cupped her face and stared lovingly down into her tear filled brown eyes...

She had tears streaming down her face, he wiped them away gently with his thumb, they stared lovingly into each others eyes ... nothing else mattered in this moment ... they had each other ... slowly Harvey brought his head down and placed a gentle kiss on Donna's lips; at first it was for comfort ... wanting to be close, tentatively their lips moved, slowly at first, as if kissing for the very first time, then a spark ignited within Donna and she drank him in, feeling like she couldn't get close enough ... she needed him ... wanted him ... the kiss intensified ... became more urgent ... Harvey's hands ran though her hair, how he had missed this, missed being with her, Harvey groaned ; Donna moved her hands though his hair, under his top ... if felt so good, she wanted to wash away the nightmares , wash away the pain. She felt alive, desire pulsed within her, "Harvey!" she gasped "Harvey please"!

Then suddenly there was a noise, the door opened; they immediately broke apart, Harvey quickly getting up from Donna's hospital bed.

He turned around to see a nurse had entered the room.

 _"I'm Beth, the night nurse" ._.. she looked away, highly embarrassed; _"I ... I can come back later, Just doing my rounds."_

 _"No ... no... come on in"_ Harvey protested, quickly trying to recover from their awkward situation.

Donna and Harvey smirked at each other ... not knowing which person in the room was more embarrassed! Feeling like teenagers who had been caught making out by their parents.

Harvey tried to save the situation _"Sorry um ... Donna ... just had a nightmare ... I was just ..."  
_

 _"Not a problem "_ Beth didn't want the details _"lucky you were here so ... ,don't worry Dr. Cassidy has authorized me to give Donna a sedative for sleep if required."_ Beth added. _  
_

 _"That probably would be a good idea ... thank you,"_ Donna replied. _  
_

Beth approached the foot of Donna's bed and began reading her medical chart.

 _"Look Harvey ... I'll be fine with a sleeping tablet ... now go ... get some rest ... I'll see you in the morning!"_ _  
_

 _"If you're sure?",_ Harvey was hesitant. _  
_

 _"I AM. NOW GO!"_ Donna directed him with a smile.

Harvey grasped Donna's hand, not wanting to let go, but knew she was right once again, as always!

 _"OK, you get some sleep, I'll see you in a few hours, we can talk about it all then"_ he smiled, squeezing her hand, then reluctantly letting go. _  
_

 _"Yes sir!"_ Donna giggled

Harvey's smile reached his eyes at Donna's humor. It felt so good to hear her laugh.

Donna smirked at him

Beth the night nurse moved towards Donna, with a medicine bottle and some water.

 _"Don't worry, I promise I'll take good care of your wife!"_

 _"Thank you Beth!"_

 _"Right so, see you in a few hours" Harvey said smiling as he turned and left Donna's hospital room._

Just outside Donna's room in the corridor, Harvey took a seat for a moment ... his emotions were mixed ... hope for the way they had been with each other just now ... but worry that her memory was returning and the pain it could cause her.

He needed to be strong for her ... help her through. He had put his head back against the wall in contemplation.

After a couple of minutes he stood up from the seat and headed back towards his hotel room. Tomorrow was another day!

...

 **Once again, I would like to thank you all for your support, it means the world to me, Mary xxx**

 **Chapter 6 arriving soon !**


	6. Friends and Family will see you through

Memories Lost

Friends and Family will see you through this

Chapter 6

...

Upon returning to his hotel room from the hospital, Harvey had fallen back into bed; however, sleep had evaded him, he had tossed and turned during the night. Thoughts of Donna, her nightmare, their passionate kiss, flowing through his mind. He had fallen asleep finally, around 4 am, from utter mental and physical exhaustion.

...

Beep,beep,beep,beep ... For a minute Harvey didn't know what was causing the noise ... then slowly he turned on his side, wiping the sleep from his eyes ... it all flooded back to him ... Donna ... the hospital ... he had set the alarm for 6 am; still exhausted and drained of energy he moved in the bed towards the side table ... leaning over he pressed the alarm button to the off position and then contemplated the day ahead ...

He decided to phone the nurse's station on Donna's floor at the hospital for an update. Harvey had called them many times for updates during the few hours he wasn't at her bedside in the last two weeks. He was relieved to hear that she had been given the sedative to aid her sleep and was in fact still sleeping. Given this, Harvey decided to go to the hotel gym for a quick workout. He needed a quick fix to relieve the stress and pressure.

Upon his return to his suite he took a shower; as the hot steaming water poured down his body he thought about the day ahead. Following Donna's nightmares last night, he worried that she would be tired and too overwhelmed by all the visitors today. It being a Saturday, all of their close family and friends had flagged to Harvey their intention to pop in and see Donna today.

Harvey knew one thing for sure, the most emotional visit would be when their children arrived to see her. He feared how it may unfold. But knew Donna would be stubborn and would probably not opt to reschedule their visit, even if she was not fully ready for it yet. What a woman he had married, he was a lucky man and he knew it! She had put him first all those years, when he had been too scared to admit his true feelings, and now she always put their family first!

Once out of the shower he dried and dressed in beige slacks and a back shirt, which had been kindly dropped off to his suite by his mother. He made a mental note to call and thank her later. Harvey decided to text Mike asking how the kids were and telling him about Donna's decision to see them today. In the text Harvey had asked Mike if he could bring the kids to the hospital around midday, telling him that Donna was eager to see them, but to keep him notified when they arrived at the hospital, just in case their was a change of mind ... Although Harvey figured it had to be a good sign that she felt she needed and wanted to see them so soon.

...

On his way to the hospital Harvey grabbed a breakfast bagel and coffee at a trolley cart ... then walked towards the hospital eager to see how Donna was feeling this morning.

...

Upon reaching Donna's room, a nurse met him on the corridor.

"Mr Specter, your wife is actually still sleeping. You can go in and wait if you like."

Harvey pushed through the door and peered into Donna's room, there wasn't a sound, he saw her lying peacefully asleep on her side; as he approached her sleeping form he smiled down and planted a soft kiss on her head. Deciding to let her sleep, he took a seat in the armchair beside the window, wanting to ensure he was there for her as soon as she woke up.

...

Just over an hour later Harvey woke up; for a moment not knowing where he was ... sunlight was streaming through , he rubbed his eyes and slowly adjusted to the view in front of him ... Donna ... "Hey Mister ... you're finally awake!" ... Donna was sitting up in bed ... some color had returned to her cheeks, she looked brighter ... more like the Donna from before all of this had happened! She was having some toast and drinking a cup of coffee and smiling towards him.

Harvey smiled back affectionately at his wife " Hey there! sorry, I must have dozed off."

Harvey stretched his arms out, turning in the seat, yawing and rubbing his face as he stood up from the chair slowly stretching out his limbs.

"What time is it?" he asked as he strode across the floor towards Donna.

"Almost 9 ," Donna replied watching the clock on the wall.

"Then, I ... slept for over an hour" Harvey realized as he reached Donna's bed.

"You needed it Harvey", "You've been so good .. too good .. you will be here in the hospital next to me if you don't rest more." She scolded slightly

Harvey smiled at the slight telling off, it felt good, like the old days, his Donna was returning.

Harvey decided to perch on the side of Donna's bed , grabbing a piece toast from the plate on her lap.

"I can always order you some ... you have been practically living here anyway you know?"

"So do you do this every morning ... at .. home ... eat my toast? Donna smirked at Harvey.

Harvey was so happy to hear Donna talk about home .. their home, it caught him off guard slightly.

"I have been known to make mean pancakes for us all actually!"

"Specter Special Pancakes?" Donna quipped! "Can't wait to try them"

"Oh you have ... and ... you love them!" Harvey smiled teasing, raising his eyebrow at Donna. "I mean ... that's when we have time for ... pancakes"

Was he flirting?! Yes he was, no doubt about it! Two can play at this game Donna figured!

"Are you still as fond of your MORNING MEETINGS Harvey!? Donna stared intently at Harvey with a questioning gaze.

"Only when Mrs. Specter is in attendance." He smiled at Donna and it reached his eyes. That Harvey Specter smile of his.

Donna couldn't help but feel flustered suddenly with all this innuendo in Harvey's description of their breakfast routine! She knew she was blushing furiously right now under Harvey's heated gaze.

She decided to throw water on this fire for now and cut to the chase. They needed to talk about her nightmare last night. And get to the truth!

Putting her head down towards her plate, she played with her toast, unable to look at Harvey directly for some strange awkward reason. Probably all the recent sexual innuendo she admitted to herself! She logged that last night's kiss had not even been mentioned yet and he had her like this already!

Changing the topic "As much as I enjoy this banter Harvey ... About last night ... I'm sorry if ... if I scared you I.. I "Donna began her sentence but Harvey interrupted.

"Donna , Donna look at me" as Donna complied to his request, she looked upwards to his face and into his beautiful but now serious brown eyes.

"You ... have ... absolutely ... nothing ... to apologize for!"

Donna continued "I know .. it's just the nightmare ... it was so real Harvey ... I know you know more than you let on Harvey " Harvey was about to interrupt her ... to explain ...

"Just let me finish ... I know its to protect me ... I get that ... I do ... and the funny thing ... it was like ... in the dream ... the fog had lifted and I even remember saying to him ... to that wretched man ... " I have children! ... I pleaded with him Harvey!, I thought that was it, that I wouldn't see you all again!" Donna began to sob, it was all getting too much!

Harvey enveloped her in his arms immediately in an attempt to comfort her.

"I've got you, I've got you ... it's all my fault Donna, it's all my fault! ..I'm so sorry ... that man ... he was after me and Mike ...We screwed him over almost 5 years ago, that is how Mike got out of prison early ... I've put you in this jeopardy Donna. I never deserved you ...!" Harvey started to break down.

"Harvey, you can't blame yourself, look at me! ... I made it through, I'm here! You are not to blame for this" she wished Harvey believed her, but doubted that he did. She knew that whatever line Harvey had crossed to get Mike out of prison early, he had done it for the right reasons!

Harvey thought he'd try lighten the mood suddenly.

"And here was me thinking you wanted to talk about that smoking hot kiss of ours last night?"

Donna blushed, Harvey still holding her close in his arms; she gazed into his eyes ...

" Harvey" she laughed nervously, then got bold, placing her right hand to his face she gazed up at him lovingly.

"Who said we need to TALK anymore about anything" Donna quipped. Almost challenging Harvey to his next move, like a game of chess.

More than willing to accept her challenge, with that Harvey lowered his head towards Donna's lips, each inching closer and closer to the other, last night's desire had awakened within them both!

Just then there was a quick knock and the door opened, with a crowd of people in white coats spilling into Donna's room.

Harvey under his breath, only within Donna's earshot blurted out "Dear God! ... can't a man get some peace around here to kiss his wife!"

With that, Donna and Harvey both erupted into laughter together. Admitting to themselves it felt good to laugh again!

...

Just after 9 am the medical team that had been taking care of Donna arrived, having interrupted Donna and Harvey's intimate moment.

Along with the medical team came a counselor, an occupational therapist and a cognitive therapist. Professor Li outlined to Harvey and Donna how he felt Donna was suffering from retrograde amnesia, explaining that it was where a person forgets incidents before an injury or traumatic event. Unfortunately they could not tell her if her memories would return, they had said that each case was unique and individual, however Professor Li felt that Donna's nightmare, was actually a positive sign on her road to possibly recovering her memories. The counselor and other therapists would assist her in the recovery process. She had also received new details of her attack, the canvas tarpaulin on the floor of the scaffolding platform had broken her fall, to the point where she hadn't broken any bones, unfortunately upon landing on the platform she had hit her head on a metal platform railing thus causing her head injury. Donna realized that her physical injuries, could have been much worse, she was lucky to be here !

After speaking with the medical team, Donna had felt more positive about her situation, even having a term for what she was suffering from and knowing that a team of medical professionals were on hand to help her with the recovery process gave her some much needed hope!

...

After the medical team's visit, Donna had consultations with the various therapists. Although Harvey had been there for these discussions they hadn't had any further time alone together since this morning, and Harvey knew that it was getting close to the time that Mike and Rachel would be arriving with their kids.

Finally at 11 am, the last of the therapists had left Donna's room, Donna's nurse Jean arrived to help her shower and change.

Following her shower Harvey immediately took the opportunity to discuss Mike's arrival. Telling Donna about their children's impending visit. He could sense both apprehension and excitement emanating from Donna. He wanted her to know that it was perfectly fine if she wanted to reschedule. He feared the stress it could subject her to.

Although she looked nervous .. Harvey could also see that Donna was eager for the visit to take place.

She was adamant "Harvey ... I NEED to do this ! " I NEED to do this for James and Lily."

"OK then, I'll be by your side ... all the way," he squeezed her hand in reassurance.

Donna smiled back, although he could tell it was a nervous smile.

"Thanks Harvey, I wouldn't have it any other way."

Suddenly Harvey's phone buzzed.

It was a text from Mike.

As he read the text he explained to Donna;

"OK ... so ... the kids are here ... with Mike and Rachel, they have just arrived in the hospital car park, could take 15 minutes or so, they need to unload the car.

"Remember .. Harvey .. I'm a trained actress .. I can do this, Lily won't know I have lost memories."

Harvey never doubted Donna's acting abilities, but something told him she was being naive about the emotional toll the impending visit could take on her.

"Harvey ... do me a favor, get my make-up bag from the closet over there, thanks?"

Harvey smiled "Of course."

Donna wanted to look as well as possible in front of their guests.

...

Twenty minutes later there was a knock on the door of Donna's room .

"It's only us!" Rachel's voice rang out, Donna would know it anywhere.

"Come on in guys!" Harvey called out excitedly.

Just then, in strode Mike with Lily in his arms, she was dressed beautifully, especially for today's visit, in a pretty navy and while polka dot dress, her hair tied up with a matching bow, Rachel's hard work, Donna intuitively figured.

Mike stood in the door smiling and holding Lily who was beaming and waving excitedly, she had her Daddy's smile alright, Donna was certain of that.

While he held open the door, in came Rachel with a stroller with baby James inside. He was sleeping.

"Look Lily! its Mommy and Daddy" Mike put on an extra excited tone to his voice, especially for Lily and Donna's benefit.

Mike and Rachel smiled at Donna, "Hey Don, so happy to see her looking so well."

"Hey guys, thanks for coming" Donna sounded cheerful and happy to see her guests.

Lily came charging at Harvey, who immediately got down on his knees and outstretched his arms to his daughter. He was so happy to see her.

"Daddy" Lily yelped excited to see him.

Then Harvey picked her up "Daddy" she yelped, Harvey nuzzled his nose to Lily's "Hey princess".

Donna looked at Harvey ... amazed ... she had never remembered seeing him with a child in his arms before, let alone the surreal scene unfolding before her very eyes. Harvey the Dad, what a sight to behold!

Donna felt her eyes start to well with tears seeing Harvey with Lily in his arms. How could she not remember this, she thought to herself.

He looked so natural with her ... it amazed her ... Harvey a Daddy ... ! The best closer in New York. It was like his personality had changed the moment Lily came into the room. She had Harvey wrapped around her little finger, and Donna smiled at this realization.

Mike and Rachel moved towards Donna's bedside; seeing her amazement at the spectacle in front of her. They guessed it must be down to the fact that this was the first time she had remembered seeing Harvey with their daughter.

The sad irony of it all, Rachel thought, Mike and her had witnessed Harvey and Donna's many happy family moments. Moments which Donna appeared to no longer remember. This moment with Lily, was in fact, a normal scene they had witnessed time and time again, but now it was new to Donna; Rachel could only guess at how difficult that must be for her.

Not wanting to leave her friend out and wanting to comfort her, Rachel greeted Donna excitedly with hugs and kisses. She parked James's stroller beside them both at the bedside. Mike grabbed a couple of seats for them to sit down upon, and placed them next to Donna's bedside.

"Donna, so good to see you!" I've missed you so much!"

"You too, Rachel" as Donna hugged and kissed her back.

Rachel took a seat beside Mike. She saw Donna gazing at Lily and then baby James. How surreal it must be for her friend, she thought.

Suddenly Rachel broke the silence "Donna ... I'm so sorry about yesterday . I didn't know what to say to you ..." "I didn't want to confuse you further"

"Rach ... you did the right thing! ... Harvey told me .. what you've done for us ... you've always been such wonderful friends!"

Harvey could see Rachel and Donna were having a moment, Lily was excitedly showing him a sketch she had drawn.

"Daddy ...I did this for Mommy!" Lily excitedly and proudly held up a sketch for Harvey to see.

Harvey beamed at his daughters latest art work, a sketch of their family at the circus, his daughter had obviously inherited some artistic talent from his mom. It was truly amazing work for a four year old to have completed to such a high standard.

"Wanna show Mommy Lily"

Harvey decided it was a good ice breaker for mother and daughter.

He walked Lily over by the hand ... "some one here has made something very special for you Mommy."

Donna would have nearly fallen over, if she wasn't in bed already, when she heard Harvey called her Mommy! Wow! It had really tugged at her heart strings. Luckily she recovered quickly for Lily.

"Hey Lily" Donna spoke sweetly to her daughter.

"Mommy.. I ... made this for .. you ... Mommy."

Harvey lifted his daughter up on the bed beside Donna so that she could show Donna the sketch.

"Oh ... Lily ... it's the most beautiful drawing I have ever seen, and although Donna appreciated the fine arts ... this simple sketch, her daughter had made, tugged at her heart strings and quite simply she thought it was the prettiest art work she had ever seen."

"Mommy ... when .. r.. you coming home? Miss you Mommy?" Lily said longingly to Donna.

Donna was overwhelmed .. she didn't know what to say. She stifled back the tears.

"Lily ... I love you so much ... and I'm going to be home very soon .. I promise!"

"Love you Mommy" Lily cuddled Donna then, and Harvey could see tears welling in Donna's eyes.

Harvey gasped at the mother/daughter bonding scene before his eyes.

Rachel was holding baby James now, he had woken up and she had lifted him from the stroller, at eight months old he was the cutest baby Donna had ever seen. Rachel lifted him close to Donna so that she could hold him. At first Donna was apprehensive, almost fearing to hold him, then Harvey intervened taking Lily in his arms from Donna to give her a chance to bond with James too. Rachel helped to get James comfortably in Donna's arms and lap. He was dressed in a beautiful yellow romper suit with lion cartoon pictures. It took everything within Donna not to break down and cry. Even at that, a couple of tears managed to trickle down her cheeks ... she held James close to her chest and held his little fingers, and little toes. Hugging him closely, she smelled him, ... something about the smell was so familiar. She couldn't describe it, it just felt like home, so natural.

Technically Donna couldn't remember, couldn't see through the fog to access those precious memories with her children but she felt it was real, the memories were there, if only the veil of fog would rise slightly higher. She hoped and prayed that it would.

After a little while they all fell into easy conversation, laughing as if nothing had happened. Lily and James loved being the center of attention, each adult taking turns to hold them and play with them. Having Mike and Rachel there had made it a more natural and fluid experience, it had taken the pressure off Donna somewhat and Harvey was grateful for that. Although this all felt new to Donna, in a weird way it felt perfectly natural as if she was experiencing a deja vu of some kind. Rachel told the funny story of Mike trying to bring a Christmas tree home for the kids into Harvey and Donna's house and how it wouldn't fit in through the door and Mike had to try saw off some branches. The room erupted into laughter. Donna realized Christmas was fast approaching and quietly made a vow to herself to be home with her family for Christmas Day.

Then it was time to go and Donna and Harvey kissed their children goodbye, sending them home with Mike and Rachel. As they left Harvey told Donna how proud he was of her. She had been so strong for their children. He comforted Donna as she cried after Lily and Donna had left. Donna realized she had indeed underestimated the power of the parental connection and how their visit would affect her.

...

Donna's parents had arrived around 3 o'clock. Harvey warned her that her mother had had a stroke the previous year. Her appearance was much older than Donna remembered. On a positive note she had been so happy to hear that her parents were back together. They all chatted and had tea. Her Dad got quite emotional at one point in the conversation, his baby girl being hurt like that had almost finished him. At least she got the vibe from the atmosphere between Harvey and her Dad, that they had a much better relationship now than she has remembered.

Then it had been time for her parents to take their leave and they said their emotional farewells, promising to visit the following Saturday and call Donna each day between now and then.

...

It was after 6 pm, and all of Donna's visitors had left, she didn't like to admit it, but she was tired. Seeing all of her family and friends had been amazing, but most especially her children, they were on her mind now constantly. She knew they were her children, but it still felt like she was a 'stand in' in some other woman's life. She needed and wanted to recover as quickly as possible for her children and for Harvey.

Harvey had gone to the cafeteria to grab a quick coffee and call his Mom when all of a sudden Donna heard a knock to her bedroom door.

"Come on in!" she called out.

"Hey, it's only me Donna!," a welcome and familiar head popped through the door.

Donna could not believe the sight before her eyes, it was Louis ... it was unmistakably him ... but my, how he had changed, he was looking so slim and trim, like she had never seen him before. He was even wearing fitness gear. He looked fantastic and she was so pleased to see her friend.

"Louis!"

"Donna" he said softly as he approached her bedside.

She held out her arms and they hugged. There were tears. They had always been so close.

Louis was holding her hands in his own now, perched on the side of her bed, "I was here ... before ... but you were sleeping ... for days Donna. I've been so scared. I thought I was going to lose my best friend."

"Oh Louis, I'm here ... everything is going to be fine, I promise! you look fabulous by the way!"

"Thanks Donna!" With that Louis stood up from the bed and did a twirl.

"It's the lemon and lime prunie juice diet Donna, it's the latest diet craze in Manhattan, you really have missed out! Don't worry, I'll soon get you up to speed"

Donna laughed ... how she had missed Louis and his ridiculousness ! She loved her friend so much!

Donna and Louis then passed the time chatting about everything from his new juice diet, to PSL now having a Chicago office, to Louis informing Donna that Mike and Rachel were Lily's god parents and that he and Jessica were James's godparents. Wow she had thought, their PSL colleagues had become their family. She wasn't surprised. They had always felt like family to her!

Louis apologized for Jessica not being there, saying how she was meant to come with Louis and had been so excited at the prospect of seeing Donna, but then she had to fly out to Chicago urgently on business.

Then suddenly Harvey returned to Donna's room and Louis saw it as his cue to leave, noting how tired Donna was, and wanting to give her and Harvey time alone together.

The two friends hugged again and cried.

Louis headed for the door to exit, before doing so he turned to Donna, wanting to say something thoughtful and helpful. After all he had been practicing mindfulness lately. All part of his new zen lifestyle.

"Donna, don't you worry, friends and family will see you through this!"

"In fact, as it's Sunday tomorrow, I'll call in, bring you some Shakespeare TV adaptions."

"I'd love that Louis, thank you." Donna smiled appreciatively at her friend, watching him leave.

She was so grateful to have such wonderful family and friends, helping her through this incredibly tough time. She had a renewed hope after today.

...

Thank you for reading, reviewing etc. I love to get feedback. Love Mary xxx

Chapter 7 will be up soon!


	7. The Album

**Memories Lost**

 **Chapter 7**

 **'The Album'**

Since waking up in the hospital, Donna had worked tirelessly at her recovery; the doctors were now allowing her to go home. Although her memory had still not returned, they felt, that in her case, with a young family at home, it would be best to immerse herself back into her life in the hope that it would aid the return of her memory.

Once the hospital were assured she had a support system in place they were happy to discharge her. She would have to return for ongoing therapy appointments, but today was the day she was finally returning to her home. It was Christmas Eve, her wish of returning home in time for Christmas was coming true.

Last week, the police had called by to see her. They took a statement from her regarding anything she could remember from the night of her attack. They appeared to have been satisfied and said if she remembered anything else to contact them immediately.

She had persevered at her recovery for her children and Harvey. She had continued to have nightmares, memories and flashbacks. Some nights Donna didn't want to wake up. In her dreams she remembered random memories of her children. She had moments, pieces of a jigsaw puzzle where she had images, memories in her mind, random images without a cohesive glue to put them all together.

Her children had been brought to visit her in the hospital every other day. When they would leave she would long for their next visit. During their visits Harvey and her took turns cradling James and talking and playing with Lily. It still amazed her seeing Harvey in his 'Dad role'. Donna knew Harvey would never admit it to her, but being away from their family home and their children was killing him.

After one of Lily's visits, she had a vivid dream of a birthday party for Lily. When she had asked Harvey, he confirmed the details, it had been a memory of Lily's 3rd birthday; the relief she had felt was immense. Although the doctors warned her that even if some memories returned she may never fully recover from the retrograde amnesia. Donna was determined to prove them wrong. She refused to be left in this life with this huge gap of precious memories.

Last night she had another dream, she was looking at herself in a mirror in a wedding dress, as Harvey kissed her neck from behind and began to unzip the back of her dress, she had then woken up, was this a memory?, a dream? or a fantasy? In the dream it was so real, she could feel his fingers deftly undo the back of her wedding dress. And feel each kiss ...

...

"Ready?" Harvey asked, as he smiled from the doorway "time to go, Ray is downstairs if you're ready!"

Donna returned the smile, hoping he didn't see how nervous she felt.

Today is huge ... today she goes home ... for the first time ... but also technically for the umpteenth time ... which is it? she thought.

"Sure ... I'm ready." She beamed in the hope he wouldn't see her fear.

She loved Harvey so much, these past few weeks they had shared an intimacy she had only dreamed of before. But how would it be between them now. She wanted him, and now they would be sharing a bed she guessed. Although they had had very little time to discuss private matters in the hospital, they hadn't discussed what the sleeping arrangements would be at home. She assumed they would share their bed. The thoughts sent ripples of desire coursing through her, but also fear of the unknown. She knew he would not pressure her in any way. But she saw their beautiful life together and she just hoped and prayed to remember.

She didn't want to feel like an imposter in her own life. If she was totally honest that was how she felt, an imposter in some other woman's life. Part of her felt that she wasn't really Harvey's Donna anymore, she was the Donna he had worked with for 12 years, not the Donna he had married and had a family with. She desperately wanted to remember everything!

For today's homecoming she has chosen to dress comfortably; Rachel was good enough for this trip home to fetch clothes for her. A soft blue jeans and cream Aran wool sweater and a pair of converse sneakers. Nobody had said it but Donna sensed there would be a gathering to mark her homecoming. At least she hadn't lost her sixth sense, she thought.

Harvey entering the room had brought her out of her thoughts.

"Donna ... you look beautiful!"

Harvey's comments took Donna by surprise, remembering all the times she had wanted to hear him say that.

Seeing her reaction Harvey commented "What? Can't a man compliment his wife?" he laughed softly.

"It's nothing ... it's just ... all those years working together ... you never said it once to me ... I heard you say it to Jessica and almost every other female work colleague, but never me" I'm just being silly, don't mind me."

Harvey looked like he was deep in thought, cursing himself at his former self's shameful behavior and treatment of Donna.

Approaching Donna he smiled apologetically, then taking her hand in his he guided her to sit on the bed.

Still holding her hand in his he looked intently into her eyes, then using his other hand pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Do you know why I never complimented you Donna?" he quizzed.

Donna smiled shyly now at Harvey and shook her head, somewhat embarrassed she had even brought this up.

"It's not ... it's not that I didn't want to, believe me, God everyday!, Of course I noticed you, it unnerved me, the feelings I had for you. I would push them aside, and not acknowledging you ... in ... that way ... helped me cope I guess. There was a line ... a line I couldn't let myself cross."

"I knew I couldn't have you, if I went there with you ... I... I wouldn't have been able to control myself."

"And some of those outfits you wore Donna, COME ON! ... I don't know how I survived, I think you were trying to kill me."

They both laughed then in unison; Donna cried happy tears as Harvey cupped her face with both hands and kissed her passionately.

Then he put his arm around her, she leaned into his side and he kissed the side of her head.

"Right, homeward bound my beautiful wife?"

Donna smiled and nodded in agreement as she threw on a heavy winter coat, it had started to snow outside. The perfect Christmas Eve she thought!

Harvey grabbed Donna's hand, picked up her bag from the bed with the other hand and led her towards the door to exit.

Donna knew it was time to leave, time to go home, home to her new reality. She felt ready but somewhat apprehensive.

Walking outside of the sanctuary of her hospital room Donna felt vulnerable, back to the outside world ... a world that had moved on without her.

Harvey noticed the fear in Donna, he expected this apprehension, the doctors had even warned him, he squeezed her hand in support.

...

Harvey was delighted that Donna was coming home finally, they had been almost a month in this hospital room. He still worried that going home could overwhelm her. But he knew she was right, for the sake of their children it was important to return to normal as soon as possible.

At least they had lots of support. June their nanny was living with them for the last 4 years. Although she was now at home with her own family for Christmas in Boston. If they needed extra support, money would be no object. Anything it took for Donna to recover, Harvey would make sure it happened.

His mom had practically moved in, her husband Bobby visited from Boston when he could, she had even contemplated that they move up permanently to help out.

Rachel and Mike were still staying, although Harvey knew, the younger couple would want to move on with their life very soon, they had just returned from Chicago. Mike and Rachel were now back to working in PSL. Harvey had worked from the hospital, the hotel and home. Still preferring not to face going into their building where the attack had happened. He knew it was a fear he would have to face soon.

...

Arriving at the car, Ray greeted Donna with a huge welcoming hug, then placed her bag into the car for her.

Once in the back of Ray's black Lexus, Harvey and Donna sat beside each other, fingers touching lightly, Donna watched as the car sped by, looking out the window at the outside world, people walking by, not a care in the world she thought ... It was snowing lightly as the people rushed about no doubt doing their last minute Christmas shopping.

Harvey could sense Donna was deeply lost in thought and placed his hand on top of hers, giving it a light squeeze, she glanced in his direction and smiled trying to reassure him that she was fine.

Then suddenly she was alarmed "Harvey, the children, their Christmas presents ... I didn't think to ..."

"Its OK, all taken care of, Mom and Rachel" his smiled calmly.

Donna felt relieved and thanked God they had such wonderfully supportive family and friends.

She settled in for the rest of the journey home, still hand in hand with Harvey.

...

Ray pulled the Lexus onto an avenue of large brownstone houses. All the homes had beautiful Christmas decorations. What a lovely quiet neighborhood, Donna thought. Perfect to rear their family.

Donna had to admit the avenue had a familiarity to it, but she didn't want to get her hopes up or Harvey's just yet. She had grown up in a similar neighborhood as a child before they had lost their money. So, she wasn't sure if the memories were old or new ones.

Suddenly the car pulled up to a large brownstone house, the one from the picture on Harvey's phone, their home! Donna took in the view in amazement!

"It's beautiful Harvey" she exclaimed.

Before her stood the house from Harvey's picture, a beautiful 3 story brownstone with bay windows, on a tree lined street. It was perfect. Immediately she could feel why she had chosen this house.

"It is beautiful, like the woman who chose it!" Harvey exclaimed proudly.

"There are just a few of our close family and friends here, waiting to welcome you home, I didn't think you'd mind."

Donna smiled "Of course I don't mind Harvey, It will be great to see everybody!" So her sixth sense had been accurate after all there was a homecoming party.

"Mike has obviously been busy" Harvey noted the beautiful Christmas lights had been put up on the house and on the trees in the front.

When the car stopped Harvey got out and walked around wanting to be the one opening the door for Donna.

The minute the car had pulled into the driveway and came to a stop, the welcome home party was outside in force in the driveway. Rachel with Lily and Mike alongside. Donna's parents, Louis and Jessica. Marcus, Katie and their children had also arrived.

Donna noted that Lily senior was holding James.

Just then little Lily ran towards Donna "Mommy!"

Wrapping her arms around Donna's legs. Donna bent down immediately to Lily's eye level. "Oh Lily, you're the best little girl ... thank you so much." She wrapped Lily into a bear hug. Donna could feel her eyes well up with tears. She had made it home to her little girl!

Harvey leaned in to greet and kiss baby James and his mom.

"Looks like you were busy decorating Mike" Harvey exclaimed to his younger friend.

"What? It's totally for the kids!" Mike was playfully defensive.

"Yeah, yeah, sure whatever you say Mike, " Harvey jibed.

Donna loved seeing Harvey and Mike's banter, it was like old times.

As the crowd entered the house Harvey asked Donna quietly "Any of it familiar yet ?"

Donna shook her head in frustration ..." Maybe ...I don't know ... feels like deja vu ... not sure yet" she admitted.

He clasped her hand and smiled to show his support.

Harvey felt that having all their close family and friends there would ease the pressure for Donna for her homecoming.

Upon entering the house, there was a 'Welcome Home Mommy/ Donna' banner, which Harvey's mom had helped Lily to create.

It tugged at Donna's heartstrings.

"Mom's creation with Lily!" Harvey said proudly.

Lily senior cut in "I only helped a little , it was all little Lily's hard work, she has real talent you know!" Lily senior proudly put her arms around her granddaughter for a hug. Donna was so happy to see the obvious bond between them.

...

Donna marveled that this had been the place she had called home for the past four years. It was so bright, spacious and homely. Harvey and her had obviously changed it to make it a more modern family home on the inside. While the outside remained an authentic brownstone.

Taking it all in, Donna knew in that instant she didn't miss her old apartment for a second. She thought momentarily of her cozy little apartment and the lonely years she had spent there. Now her only hope was that she didn't wake up and find that all of this had been a dream. This was the future she could only have dreamed of five years ago. And now by some miracle it was her reality!

Donna had little time to worry about what she could remember. Her friends and family kept her busy. She could see a huge buffet had been set up in the far corner of the open plan living space. The home was beautifully decorated in bright neutral colors, reminding her of the childhood home her family had lost. There was a beautifully decorated Christmas tree in the bay window in the living room with wrapped presents underneath.

"So this is where we have spent the last few years." Donna commented to Harvey who was standing protectively beside her.

"Very happy years ... " he grasped her hand and smiled intently into Donna's eyes. "you know I didn't realize what I was missing in my life until we got together".

"I'm glad you finally saw the light Harvey. " Donna quipped.

Suddenly caught in the moment Harvey leaned in to Donna and placed the sweetest kiss on her lips. Donna gasped! She felt desire like electricity coursing through her body.

Little Lily interrupted suddenly, tugging at Donna's hand "Look Mommy, look what we did for you " exclaimed an excited Lily.

"Wow, someone has been busy" Donna exclaimed brightly!

Donna now stood holding little Lily's hand looking in amazement at the sight before her. Her friends and family had been busy.

"What this?, just a few things myself and Rachel rustled up this morning, OK there may have been some caterer involvement " Lily smiled at her daughter-in-law, happy to see she was enjoying her return home.

Donna chatted with her guests as they all had something to eat and drink.

Marcus and Katie had put on some Christmas movies for the kids in the Family TV room.

Donna had always dreamed of a Christmas Eve like this, with family and friends enjoying the festivities together.

...

After eating Jessica had some time alone with Donna, she apologized for not being able to see her sooner since she had urgent legal business that had called her back to Chicago. Donna enjoyed hearing Jessica's stories of Chicago, of the merger and was delighted to hear that Jeff and Jessica had finally married last year.

While chatting with Jessica, Harvey interrupted making an announcement that he wanted to thank all of their friends and family for their support over the last month.

Then he added looking at Donna;

"Lily, James and I have an early Christmas gift for you."

Harvey went over to the Christmas tree and picked up a beautifully wrapped parcel with a red bow.

He walked back towards Donna who was by now sitting on the sofa, and handed her the parcel and placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Oh my, what could this be!" Donna teased excitedly.

She started untying the beautiful red ribbon. She was intrigued.

Finally opened, she gasped when she read 'Our Family Album' looking up at Harvey she smiled in appreciation.

"Oh ... thank you!" tears were starting to well in her eyes. It was such a thoughtful gift. The Harvey of five years ago gave Marni bags, but this gift, this gift meant so much more to Donna.

Harvey beamed "We thought it might help ... " Help you remember"

Only open it when you feel ready ... just ... wanted to help in some way, Harvey added thoughtfully raising his hands nonchalantly.

Donna was astounded by the sentiment.

"Harvey thank you so much! " she squeezed his hand and smiled in appreciation.

"I can't wait, I'm going to take a quick look now!"

Harvey, Lily Senior, Rachel and Mike, Louis and Jessica, and Donna's parents all sat around. Marcus, Katie and the children were still watching a movie in the TV room.

Rachel cut in "You know, Donna, if you want this to be a private moment, we can all ..."

Donna clasped Rachel's hands "Don't leave, we're all family here Rach" Donna smiled truthfully to her friend.

Donna then opened the album cautiously, her memories were about to be resurrected.

The first picture, her and Harvey's wedding, they looked so happy, hand in hand coming down the aisle. She wore a beautiful ivory lace halter neck gown, her hair was up with strands falling naturally down her face. It was the same dress from her dream the other night. That realization comforted her. The dream had been a memory of her wedding night. The image amazed her, she had never seen herself look so happy in a photograph. Finally her 'happy ever after' she thought to herself. This was something she used to secretly dream about.

"It was such a wonderful day Donna, I'd never seen you look so happy," Louis exclaimed.

Harvey glanced across at Donna "I felt like the luckiest man alive!"

The group chatted away telling stories of the wedding as Donna skimmed through the album pictures; determined to take a much closer look at them when she was alone.

Then Donna came across something which stopped her in her tracks immediately ...

A picture of herself pregnant, Donna was overcome with emotion, she raised her hand to touch the photo. She was cradling her bump, it amazed her, "wow!" she gasped, she looked very 'mother earth' in a floaty blue silk gown. She was beaming at the camera. Donna longed to remember that precious experience.

"I took that one, you're 7 months there with Lily, it was taken at Mike and Rachel's wedding, " Harvey smiled proudly.

Donna looked up at Harvey sadly "I just wish I could remember!"

Harvey could see she was now overcome with emotion.

"You will Donna, in time ... you will" he assured her.

Donna nodded in agreement, although internally she was not so certain.

"So Rach!, you guys ... finally took the plunge and I was the size of a house at your wedding, Cheers for the timing of that one!" Donna quipped. She had decided it was time to lighten the mood for her guests.

They all laughed! She loved spending time with her friends and family. She had missed this so much!

Donna decided to put the album aside for later, it was more of an emotional experience than she had realized.

The rest of the evening went by filled with laughter, chatting with her family and friends.

She had found time alone with Louis who told her that he had married Sheila, but that it had broken down recently. Hence his new diet plan and zen lifestyle. Poor Louis she thought, she wished her friend the happiness, which seemed to always allude him.

Then it had been time for Louis and Jessica to leave. Donna's parents also took their leave as they were staying in a nearby hotel.

...

After the guests had left, Harvey started to clear everything away with Mike.

"I'm just going upstairs with your Mom and Rachel, help them get the kids to bed", Donna said excitedly to Harvey.

"Enjoy, take your time! Mike and I are gonna take care of down here, take a rest too, it's been a long day on you " he suggested.

"We'll see, thanks Harvey " Donna smiled at Harvey as she left to go help out with the children's bedtime. Although she was back home she still needed the support system that was in place for the last month to teach her and remind her how to be a Mom.

...

As Donna scaled the stairs to help Lily and Rachel get her kids to bed. She smiled at the family pictures on the landing. They were a normal happy family. Her dreams had come true!

Then entering the nursery, she smiled at the light blue and white theme throughout.

Rachel had already put James's down. And was still seated reading a book in an armchair beside his cot.

"Rach, you're such a pro at this! Thank you so much for everything." She smiled warmly and appreciatively at her friend.

Donna then sat on the armrest of Rachel's chair and gave her a hug.

"Anytime Donna. It's been such a pleasure!"

Donna saw tears start to well in her friend's beautiful brown eyes.

Hugging her closer she asked "Oh Rach, what's wrong, tell me?"

Rachel began to sob and explained to Donna that she and Mike were having difficulties trying to have a family of their own. Donna comforted Rachel realizing how lucky she was to have Lily and James!

Donna then spent some time catching up with her friend on the lost memories of their times together.

...

Finally after catching up with Rachel, Donna called into Lily's bedroom, she could see her Donna touch there too in the decor, pretty pastel colors throughout, lemons, baby blues, pinks. Harvey's Mom was reading Lily a bedtime story 'The Night Before Christmas'.

"Want to take over" Lily had asked her daughter - in- law.

"If you don't mind, I'd love to" Donna smiled in appreciation.

Donna continued the story with her daughter as Lily senior said goodnight and went to bed. Donna had tears in her eyes as she read her daughter her own favorite Christmas story from her childhood.

Before she knew it, little Lily was asleep and an exhausted Donna lay down on a near by sofa bed for a brief nap.

She yawned ... raising a hand to her mouth ... wow this tiredness though ... what a day she thought ! Thinking to her old reality ... what a lonely existence she had had for years; she didn't even miss it, not for a second! Donna felt, she knew, that this was always meant to be, it had just been on hold for a very long time, but it had always been there, ready to reach for, when Harvey and her were ready to take a risk on their love for each other!

...

Donna had fallen asleep in Lily's room on the sofa bed. She woke up and gazed across at the beautiful figure of her sleeping daughter, she was still amazed that this was her life now. She smiled at the Minnie Mouse clock on the bedroom wall and saw that it was almost 10 pm. She wondered if Harvey was still awake, she decided to go find him.

After checking the master suite for Harvey, Donna descended down the stairs on her mission to find him.

Donna noted a light on in the kitchen to the rear of the house.

As she entered she spotted Harvey immediately; now they were on their own, finally, she thought.

Harvey saw her come in, "Hey, thought you were sleeping!"

Harvey was drying up the last pot, dish cloth still in hand.

"I was ... just woke up ... said I'd come see what you were up to?"

Donna smiled at Harvey as she shook her head in disbelief!

"What ... what's wrong ... ? " he asked intrigued.

"Nothing ... Just never saw you as the domestic type ... that's all ... it's all so surreal still!" Donna admitted.

"Surreal Good ... or surreal bad?" Harvey smiled raising an eyebrow as he stepped forward throwing the dish cloth on the breakfast counter as he stepped towards Donna.

"Surreal Good ... surreal very good "she admitted smiling brightly.

Harvey stood in front of Donna now, smiling sheepishly, he wrapped his arms around her waist, Donna smiled up at Harvey slowly raising her arms and placing them around his neck. Then Harvey kissed the top of her head "God ... I've missed this ...! "

"You know it just occurred to me that everybody else has gone to bed!" she grinned as she talked.

"Nah ... that didn't just occur to you ... " Harvey shook his head, a slight laugh, then gazed into Donna's eyes intently.

"No ... it didn't" Donna admitted, returning his gaze, her eyes darkening with desire.

"So ... I ... was thinking ... maybe ...you'd like to give me the grand tour of our master bedroom!"

Harvey looked at Donna slightly taken aback and bemused.

"Look Donna, I can take the spare room ... whatever you are comfortable with ... you've been through so much ... no need to rush anything ...!"

They hadn't discussed sleeping arrangements ... both of them knew it.

"Who said... we're gonna.. Rush...Anything!" She smirked coyly up at Harvey!

"Remember Harvey what the doctor said, immerse myself in my new reality. I want you to show me how we are now, please, help me remember us together...Take me to bed !..." she spoke boldly, desire now flooding through her.

"Donna ..." Harvey didn't want to rush anything. He loved her more than anything. It was more than enough just having her at home.

"We don't have to ..."

"But I want to ... I need this Harvey." She was adamant.

"Besides, you showed me my Christmas gift! ... Time to show you yours!" Donna quirked her eyebrow in invitation at Harvey and smirked!

"Alright then" he finally gave in ... " lead the way" giving Donna his best Specter smile!

With that Donna grabbed Harvey's hand and began to lead him upstairs.

"You are eager Mrs. Specter!" he quipped quietly, not wanting to awake the sleeping household to their antics.

...

 **So hope you enjoyed Chapter 7!**

 **As always many thanks for reading, reviewing, following and making it a favorite story! Your support is very much appreciated!**

 **Love Mary xxx**


	8. Christmas with the Specters

**Chapter 8**

 **Christmas with the Specters**

Donna felt warm, not in an uncomfortable way, she felt cozy, protected, a heaviness surrounded her, she opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the light that was streaming in through the curtains. She lay facing a large French style window with cream curtains draped where a gap was letting the light shine through. At first she wasn't sure where she was … then the memories of last night came flooding back to her, as well as the tell tale aches in her body. She was in their master bedroom, the alarm clock on the bedside table read 6.04 am.

She looked at the strong muscular arms surrounding her; she gently stroked the back of his wrist as she thought of last night, she remembered leading Harvey upstairs, a bold move; how they had stumbled towards the bed, removing each others clothes, passionately searching, needing, wanting. It brought Donna back to 'the other time'… but yet this time was different, 'the other time' had been a fun youthful exploration and spontanaeity, this time it had more meaning, much more meaning, _they had made love_. Of that she was certain, gazing into each others eyes; like they could see into one another's souls. Although her memories had not returned, Donna felt from last night's experience, that they had been together forever; Harvey knew her like no other lover had. She just wished she could remember their life together since they had become a couple.

Donna was stirred from her thoughts suddenly, as the arms surrounding her were enveloping her and folding her up into an embrace. She turned around in his arms and was now staring up at Harvey as a blush creeped across her cheeks when his gaze caught hers.

Harvey smiled down at Donna "Hey YOU .. you're wake?!" There was so much warmth in his tone.

"Hey yourself, " Donna smiled coyly at Harvey.

Donna felt herself blush again, she was nervous but knew she shouldn't be. She drew the crisp cotton sheets closer to her chest, immediately aware it was the only thing covering her; even after last night, there was nothing like the cold light of day to make one more self conscious about their body.

She smiled shyly up at Harvey, the memories of their heated night together flooded her mind including her bold proposition; she had even surprised herself. Maybe it was brain damage she considered, giving her a renewed confidence, although the old Donna had returned this morning, now feeling self conscious around him. The old effect Harvey Specter had on her had returned.

Harvey smirked at Donna and moving his head down placed a soft kiss on her lips, Donna responded wrapping her arms around Harvey's neck, the kiss became more urgent, Donna felt a repeat of last night was upon them. The desire building within her.

"Well ... THAT ...was some night ... quite the workout !" Harvey quipped, as he broke the kiss momentarily.

In between kisses Donna responded "Yes .. It .. Was!"

Donna had relaxed now in his embrace, seeing the complete love in his eyes, her self-awareness slipped away; and all that was left was pure love and desire.

"Care for round two?"...Harvey raised his eyebrow with a questioning look towards Donna.

"Thought ... you'd never ask !" Donna answered by smiling and wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing Harvey into her embrace.

Suddenly Donna heard a cry ... coming from somewhere on Harvey's side of the bed ... looking over she saw Harvey look at a monitor ... it appeared to be a baby monitor; squinting her eyes she could make out baby James starting to stir and whimper on the screen; immediately she felt a need to go attend to him.

"James ... he's starting to stir ... I'll go check on him ...," Harvey offered.

"Are you sure? ... I can go, you need your rest!"

"No _you_ stay here ... and _you_ rest ... you're gonna need it ... big day ahead .. Christmas Day and all! Then when you are rested ... take a bath" ... leaning across, Harvey kissed Donna as he rose to go check on James.

"I want you to take it easy ... remember the doctors orders."

"Wonder what they'd have to say about last night." She raised her eyebrow up in jest at Harvey.

"I'd say that they'd say it was good therapy, _plus_ you were VERY demanding, they would actually be _more_ concerned for me, you know, I could take a heart attack at my age," he laughed as he put on a tracksuit bottoms and a grey top."

Donna smirked "YOU haven't seen anything yet Mister!" She felt her confidence returning.

Harvey smiled "Don't worry Lily's not due to wake for at least another hour, so take your time."

Donna hated that she wasn't fully able or ready to be there for her children, she still needed help as she still got tired quite easily.

"I want James and Lily to know their Mom is back and here for them".

Harvey smiled "Donna ... don't worry _they know_ , now relax while you still can." He reassured. as he headed out their bedroom door to go tend to James in the nursery.

...

Donna got up straight after Harvey had left to go check on James, she decided to shower quickly as she wanted to make sure she was ready when Lily woke up. This is what she had worked so hard to recover for; to spend Christmas with her family at home. She was determined to be as present as possible for Harvey and her children.

After her shower Donna went to her walk -in-closet; looking at the fabulous dresses, she knew that _yes_ these were definitely her clothes; she picked out a beautiful dark burgundy dress with beautiful flared crochet sleeves. Then she quickly did her hair and make -up. Opting for an up style. She added a pair of drop pearl earrings to complete her Christmas outfit.

Looking in the mirror she was happy and set off out of the master suite towards the nursery, eager to see her children.

Donna looked into James's room first as she knew Lily wasn't due to wake yet.

Upon entering the room she saw Harvey giving James a bottle; and talking to him; the scene warmed Donna's heart, seeing Harvey bond with their son.

Harvey smiled over at Donna as James sat in his lap, content and sucking his bottle.

"YOU. Look. Amazing Donna!" Harvey was stunned by his wife's beauty.

"Doesn't Mommy look amazing James!" he said excitedly to his son.

"Said I'd make a little effort" she smiled at the two of them.

"Now Mister ... I'll take over ... _And_ I'm not taking no for an answer, you go get ready NOW please, its Chrismas Morning after all. Don't worry Rachel showed me how to do it all yesterday. I can manage." Donna was adamant.

"Ooh always liked you bossing me about ... well then ... If you're sure?"

" _I am_ , just want to spend some time with my little man here before we get his big sister up!"

Harvey placed a kiss on her cheek as he placed James into her arms.

James cooed and smiled at her, Donna felt sure he recognized her immediately.

"He is _so happy_ his Mommy is home and so am I."

"Donna smiled " He is, isn't he?" he cooed, and then James said something that made Donna's heart melt, he said " Dada, Dada "…

Harvey gasped "Yeah buddy, I'm Dada and this is Momma ... " Harvey was mesmerized by his son's first words, but at the same time, he didn't want to leave Donna out. Donna had tears in her eyes, it was all so overwhelming. Hearing her son speak for the first time; a couple of tears trickled down her face.

"Is that the first time he's said that?"

Harvey nodded over come with emotion too. So grateful they were here together for this special moment.

"I was here for it, we're all home …. Its just so emotional!… I'm so happy…. I never thought .. _we_ .. _us_ .. its just so perfect!."

Donna and Harvey hugged with their son cooing in between them.

"Now _go_ Mister your shower! ... its gonna be a busy day !" Donna sniffled, still overcome with emotion.

"Thanks, And Harvey ... we'll have to take a rain check, on you know what Mister ... _until tonight_!" she smirked.

"Will hold you to that!" He smirked back leaving the nursery to go get ready.

...

Rachel was up and in with Lily when Donna brought James in to check on her.

Donna complimented her on her beautiful red and cream wrap dress.

She helped Donna bathe and get the kids ready in beautiful Christmas outfits. Lily had a beautiful red and green check dress with a matching bow in her hair. Little James had a beautiful reindeer sweater and navy trousers.

Donna watched Rachel with her children and thought what a wonderful Mom she would make. She wished it dearly for her friend.

Donna felt sad for Rachel, knowing that they were struggling to have children. She felt almost guilty that she had James and Lily and wishing she could remember the experience, when her friend was obviously going through such a struggle to have a family of her own.

When they were finally ready they all headed down stairs with eager anticipation to begin their Christmas Day!

...

"Mommy, Mommy did Santa Claus come?" Lily kept asking excitedly as they came down the stairs.

"Lets go and see under the tree hunny." Donna hoped 'Santa Claus' had remembered to put the presents under the Christmas tree.

Donna could see her daughter jumping up and down excitedly at the thought of Santa as they entered the living room. It brought her back to her own childhood Christmas memories.

"Come here ... look under the tree Lily." Mike was there beside the tree when Lily entered the Living room.

Donna saw huge boxes had been placed under the tree wrapped in children's Christmas wrapper and tied with pretty bows.

Donna mouthed a silent thanks to Mike for all his work helping Harvey prepare for their family Christmas.

"Can I open the presents Mommy," Lily asked sweetly.

Donna was impressed with her daughters manners.

"Ok just a couple before breakfast, I'll help you shall I?"

Donna helped as Lily opened up two beautiful presents, a pink bike with stabilizers and a doll's house.

Lily was so excited and started playing with her Doll's house immediately.

After a little while Donna suggested they get some breakfast before any further excitement took place. Lily was reluctant to leave her toys, but with some gentle coaxing Donna assured her they would still be there upon their return.

With everyone finally in agreement they headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

...

When they arrived in the kitchen Harvey was already there making some breakfast pancakes and eggs and bacon.

Donna looked at domestic Harvey and the sight before her warmed her heart ... he was wearing a beige slacks and a Christmas sweater with a reindeer to match James's. How he had changed Donna thought; she never thought she would live to see the day ... Harvey Specter in a Christmas sweater!

Mike and Rachel arrived into the kitchen, followed shortly thereafter by Marcus, Katie, Lily and the kids, who had all stayed over the previous night for Christmas.

Harvey's Mom held James and Donna had Lily on her lap as they sat down to Harvey's Christmas breakfast together.

Donna looked around the scene before her, almost pinching herself, that this was her reality now, a big family Christmas together. She could not have been happier!

...

After Breakfast Rachel insisted that Donna spend time with her children, she was going to prepare Christmas dinner with Lily, Katie and Mike.

Reluctantly, Donna agreed, she felt Rachel had done more than enough already.

"Now Donna ... I don't want to see you near the kitchen, you hear me, holler if you need anything" Rachel insisted.

"Ok Rach you are Ms. Bossy boots today" Donna laughed as she and Harvey took the kids into the living area to spend some quality family time with them.

...

As they sat with their children in the living room, Harvey looked towards Donna thoughtfully.

"What Mister? what's wrong, why are you looking at me like that?" She smiled curiously at him.

"Nothing ... absolutely nothing ... You know I've said this before ... but due to what's happened ... I want you to know, in case you need to hear this again... Donna I'm so sorry ... if I could turn back the clock ... well lets say we'd have teenagers by now ... I fell for you ... but waited 12 goddamn years to admit it to myself and to you." Harvey was in a contemplative mood, these past few weeks had made him look back at his life.

Donna looked at Harvey ... her Harvey seeing his watery eyes "Harvey look at me ... It happened the way it was meant to happen ... who knows Harvey ... _maybe_ _neither of us_ would have been ready ... no regrets ... there were two of us in denial after all. The main thing ... is that we got here ... I'm so happy ... WE are so happy!"

"Yes _we_ are so happy!" He completely agreed.

"You know Harvey ... I looked at you this morning, with the kids, ... all domesticated!" Donna laughed at the final part.

"I never thought I'd live to see you in this role, or that I would be any part of it !" Donna was slightly somber now, thinking how differently it could have all turned out.

Harvey knew it was time to lighten the mood "Donna you were a huge part of it ... he was smirking now ... _and come on_ ... _you_ never thought _you'd be a part of this_? I know for a fact ... You told me once yourself ... you dreamed of this future ... And you know what ... when I was finally able to be honest with myself ... _so did I_ _and it was with you ... always with you!"_

Now Donna felt it was her turn to cry, she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, she beamed at Harvey in wonder.

" _God I missed you Donna_ ... I don't know what I would do if you hadn't made it!" A tear fell down Harvey's cheek and he promptly wiped it away with the back of his hand.

Thinking of her children and Harvey left without her chilled Donna to the core ...

"I'm not going anywhere Harvey." Donna was adamant, she beamed at him and placed a reassuring hand on his knee. Harvey followed suit placing his hand on top of hers.

...

Around midday Donna's parents, who had been staying locally, arrived for Christmas dinner; they had brought lots of presents with them for their grandchildren.

She was so happy that they could spend the Christmas with them. She had always been closer to her Dad, she had always been a Daddy's girl. But she made a mental note to improve her relationship with her mother. She realized now, having a daughter of her own, how important that connection was.

Donna couldn't believe how the relationship between her father and Harvey had improved so much ... the two men had found it difficult even being in the same room together previously ... guess putting a ring on his daughter's finger finally! ... really did soften Jim Paulsen, she pondered as she laughed silently to herself.

...

"Dinner is served you guys!" Rachel announced to the assembled gathering in the Living room, just after 3 pm.

Rachel and Harvey's Mom along with Mike's help had prepared a feast for their Christmas dinner.

They all sat around the beautifully laid out table. Lily sat once again on Donna's lap while James was in his high chair beside Harvey.

Harvey began with a toast "I'd like to toast Donna and the joy she has brought being back home …. "To Donna … to Donna" they all happily clinked their glasses together, so glad to have their wonder woman back in all of their lives.

The turkey, mashed potato and vegetables were all passed around the table.

The assembled crowd chatted away merrily over dinner, there were laughs, stories and memories shared over a traditional family Christmas dinner.

Donna took it all in ... making sure to capture in her mind each treasured person there, knowing she was lucky to be alive, to share in this joyous family occasion.

...

After dinner and dessert, Donna insisted that she helped to clear up. Then everyone settled into the large open living area to chat next to a roaring fire.

They put on Christmas movies for the kids and if they were honest ... for themselves too.

Donna had an idea, and whispered to Harvey who was on the sofa beside her "Go have some time with Mike, he's in the back kitchen, I think he could do with some guy time, ... besides ... you need to thank him for all he has done for us."

"Ok ... if you're sure you're OK here?"

" _Yes_ , now go, you could do with a beer and so could Mike!"

Harvey smiled at Donna ... she was always thinking of others.

"OK then ... can't say no to that" he placed a kiss on Donna's cheek as he got up to go find Mike.

Donna relaxed and settled in to watch the Christmas movie.

...

Harvey had found Mike in the kitchen helping Rachel tidy up.

He offered him a cold beer and they took it to the large sun room at the back of the house.

Sitting down Harvey knew this catch up with Mike was long over due, besides the hospital, they had not seen much of each other since Mike's return from Chicago.

"Mike, I just want to thank you so much for everything. Donna and I could not have managed without you guys."

"You would have done the same for us Harvey".

"That is true, because You ARE Family to me Mike, you always will be!"

"You know, I knew there was something special about you ... the day I hired you!"

"I want to thank you too Harvey ... taking a chance on me like that ... that day changed my life ... led me to Rachel ... wow! hard to believe, that's well over a decade ago now, where has the time gone?!"

"Meeting you Mike ... it changed me too ... you made me look at myself ... how I treated people." Harvey admitted.

"So I helped turn you into the 'Family Man' we have here before us today?" Mike laughed and smiled brightly at Harvey.

"Yeah ... guess you could say that Mike." Harvey smiled sincerely at his friend as he took a sip of his beer, he didn't even miss his Macallan.

"Thank you!" He gave Mike a pat on the shoulder.

"To Friendship," They both clinked their bottles in a toast.

"Glad you decided to return from the Windy City Mike!"

"Me too .. it was a great experience ... but THIS _is home"_

"You know Harvey ... I know you've been avoiding the office ... you know since Donna's attack and all ... I know I've said this before ... you're not to blame ... if anyone has anything to be guilty about then it's me ... lay this at my door .. not yours! If I hadn't took that deal .. then Gallo .."

Harvey cut in then, he couldn't have his friend blame himself "Mike .. I knew Gallo _a long time_ before you even met him ... I've thought about this for so long now ... I was wracked with guilt ... and what I have figured ... is that ... we could not have predicted what happened .. he was a mad man Mike ... it's time to forget him ... time to look to the future, _if we don't_ THEN HE WINS!"

"You're right Harvey ... I'll drink to that" Mike chipped in.

"To the future" they both chimed, as they clinked their beer bottles in a toast once more.

...

Later that evening, Rachel and Donna sat in the same sun room after the guys had returned to the TV room.

Donna had brought in a bottle of red wine and poured them each a glass.

Rachel found some blankets for them, as the sun room was on the cooler side in the winter time. Still it was nice to have time away from the chaos.

"So _finally_ some alone time," Rachel sat down with her glass of wine and took a sip.

"Mmmh ... _Donna_ this is _so_ good!"

"Harvey's Mom brought it" Donna took a sip herself and savoured the full bodied flavour.

Donna had seated herself opposite Rachel on the beautiful cream Ottoman furniture in the sun room.

"To Christmas" they toasted as they clinked glasses.

"Where is Lily? ... I mean Harvey's Mom .. anyway," Rachel asked. She hadn't seen her in a while this evening.

"She was tired, took James up early to bed, think all this has really taken it out of her ... everything that has happened to me," Donna felt guilty that her mother-in-law had faced such a heavy burden in recent weeks.

"She was great you know ... the kids adore her."

"I know ... I'm so happy that Harvey and Lily reconciled." Donna was truly grateful for that and knew it had helped Harvey put his past issues to rest.

Changing the subject slightly ... Donna added "You know Rach, I just wanna thank you so much, you ARE such a wonderful friend to me!"

"And you too Donna, I'm _so happy_ to have you back, I've missed this ... but to you ... I guess it feels like we haven't been apart, that Chicago never happened?"

"It is kind of difficult to explain" Donna began ... "You know ... it _was_ like that ... when I _first_ woke up _everything_ ... going to work for Louis ... all that seemed like it had been the previous week ... _but now... now_ that time seems ... well it seems further back in my mind... and the more recent things.. well .. they have like a blanket of fog over them, with the little clouds lifting every now and then... if I'm lucky!"

"Donna I'm so sorry," Rachel said placing her hand on top of Donna's in an attempt to comfort her.

"Rach don't be ... I know that I'm lucky to be alive and to have my friends and family around me."

Donna took another sip of her wine and decided to broach the next subject of their conversation carefully

"About what we talked about last night Rach ... I just want you to know I'm here for you ...OK?"

Rachel nodded looking into her wine glass, giving it a swirl, and attempting a half smile while contemplating.

"You're still _so_ young ... you have plenty of time for kids _and_ ... there are treatments!."

"I know ... its just ... I thought it would just happen you know? I never considered it wouldn't ... everyone I know... well it just seemed to happen for them .. Even ..." Rachel stopped herself then.

"Even What Rach?" Donna was curious.

"Nothing... it's just I thought it would just happen; we are four and a half years married for Gods sake! With you and Harvey... well you know ... you guys weren't even trying"

"That's news to me, What happened to _uber careful_ Donna?," Donna quipped laughing at herself now.

"Love happened ! Well ... that's what you told me." Rachel raised her eyebrow taking another sip of her wine, then burst out laughing. It was good to lighten the mood.

"I really do tell you everything Rach, don't I?," Donna laughed back.

" _I suppose_ ... I could fill you in on _your own life_ if it doesn't come back?" Rachel offered.

"You may have to ...Rach ... _you may actually have to_! You know you're such a wonderful friend!" Donna smiled at Rachel with sincerity.

"So we weren't even trying? It just happened ?" Donna was so curious right now.

"How much did I tell you Rach!" Donna feigned shock and then laughed, she had really missed their girly chats.

"Enough already!" Rachel said giggling " _Where do I start_ ..."

"At the beginning _and I want every detail_!," Donna said, as she poured more wine for her friend.

Donna figured, fill Rachel with enough wine and she would indeed fill her in on some of the gossip she had forgotten.

They sat like that, like old times, chatting and laughing for over an hour discussing everything from the day Donna told Rachel she was pregnant to Rachel and Mike's time in Chicago and their attempts to have a family.

...

Later that night Donna and Harvey climbed the stairs together to check on their children before going to bed.

Donna knew she still needed the help and support of friends and family but she wanted to be as involved as she could be with her children.

It truly had been a fabulous family day and she thanked God to have been here to see it.

...

Donna tucked Lily in, she still lay awake overtired from the Christmas excitement. Harvey started reading her a story book that had been a Christmas gift from Donna's parents.

Once they were sure Lily was fast asleep they left her room leaving the door ajar, with the light from the landing shining through; Harvey explained she felt safer that way at night. Donna couldn't believe, she had the same request as a little girl. Lily may look like Harvey but she smiled knowing there was a good measure of her own personality in her daughter too.

After checking on James, who had been sleeping for a couple of hours already, they set the baby monitor and left the nursery together.

Harvey raised his eyebrow "Now _about that rain check_ this morning Mrs. Specter!"

Donna grinned widely at Harvey. Things had never been better between them, she was completely in love with him, always had been!

She felt tonight ... that she _really did have it all_ !

"Lead the way... Mr. Specter !"

Donna placed her hand in Harvey's as he led them to their master bedroom for that most anticipated and overdue second round!

...

 **Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

 **Always** **love to hear your feedback! It is very much appreciated !**

 **Mary xxx**


	9. Epilogue Chapter

Hi my fellow Darvey fans. So here is my finale chapter to 'Memories Lost'. Apologies it took so long to update. Got sidetracked with work, college and then the flu! I want to thank my Darvey friend Vickster51 for all her advice and support. So grateful to have met her in the Darvey Fandom last year. We have such wonderful fun together talking and planning stories. Also, a huge shout out to my wonderful Twitter sister zhandi21 - This chapter is for you guys and all in our amazing Darveyland ! Mary xx

...

'Memories Lost'

Epilogue Chapter

...

Following Christmas Day Donna had enjoyed spending time with Harvey and the kids. There had been family walks in Central Park and trips to the zoo.

Observing Harvey in full 'family mode' tugged at Donna's heart every time. Their first trip to the supermarket, Harvey had drove them all in their 'family car' albeit a fancy family car, an Audi SUV. Donna had looked across at Harvey driving along with their kids in the back. "What, what's so amusing?!" "Nothing ... " she giggled. Just Harvey Spector in full 'family mode' ... it suits you ... it REALLY suits you!" She beamed. He took her hand and kissed the back of it " Donna ... you ain't seen nothing yet" he chuckled, thrilled his wife was so happy. That had been the first day she had felt that normal family life was resuming for the four of them.

Although part of Donna still felt as though she was pretending in someone elses' life, she did her best to hide this fact. She desperately hoped that all of her memories would return the more she immersed herself into regular everyday family activities. Even with her memory issues, Donna knew she had never felt this complete and happy before. She had also found herself spending hours looking through the photo album which Harvey had gifted to her for Christmas. Photos depicting all the memories she had lost. She felt a strange familiarity viewing the photos and hoped this would eventually turn to concrete memories of the events depicted.

She was still mesmerized that this was their life now. She had found herself fully immersed in family life and loved every minute of it. Harvey's mother was still there to help and had decided to move nearby with her husband Bobby. Harvey was insisting on buying his mom a house close to him, Donna and their children. It warmed Donna's heart how close he had become to his mother in recent years.

Harvey and Donna had also received the welcome news that the police had concluded their investigation into Donna's attack and were closing the case. They could finally move on with their lives. Yes, there would be more therapy and hospital appointments, but things were finally moving in a positive direction.

As the New Year approached, they had decided to stay in on New Year's Eve night. Mike and Rachel were due to pop around on their way to a New Year's ball.

Their nanny June was still away for the holidays with her family in Boston. So until after the New Year it was just Harvey, Donna, the kids and Harvey's mom.

...

On New Year's Eve morning, Donna was baking in the kitchen with Harvey's mom and little Lily was helping. Her job was cutting out the dough with a children's star shaper. Lily was dressed in a pink sparkly dress with a silver star on the front, accessorized with her own mini baking apron. Donna loved that she was already a little mini-me fashionista. As Donna kneaded the dough she smiled to herself contentedly. This was her life now! What would the Donna of old thought of this future; married to Harvey with two mini -me's and a house in the suburbs, all that was missing was the family dog. Although Donna suspected this was next on Harvey's to-do list.

"I'm so relieved!" Lily spoke quietly to Donna, she had tears in her eyes, and Donna felt she knew she was referring to the last few weeks.

Donna smiled towards her mother-in-law and placed her arm around her shoulders " Lily ... thank you so much ... we couldn't have got through this without you!"

"I came straight away ... that's what family is for ... Besides, if it wasn't for you Donna ... I may not be here in my son's life right now. Thank you!"

"I'm so happy ... all those years ... we were apart ... HE had YOU!" Lily smiled warmly at Donna, with tears gently falling down her face.

"Oh Lily..!" Donna had now found herself overcome with emotion, she smiled sweetly at her mother-in-law.

As Donna was about to respond, the kitchen door swung open ... Donna smiled immediately in recognition, it was Harvey carrying James in his arms ... they were back from the park. James was wrapped up warmly in a wool onesie suit and bear hat with ears ... he looked adorable.

"Hey! we're back!" Harvey exclaimed animatedly.

"Daddy" Lily dropped what she was doing and ran straight to put her arms around Harvey's legs. She really was a daddy's girl.

Harvey acknowlged his little daughter immediately,making sure to bend down with James and give her a hug.

Donna smiled at the scene before her eyes ... her husband, baby son and daughter... it melted her heart! How was she this lucky she thought.

"Okay, so James loved the park but its FREEZING, even for this little bear," Harvey kissed his son's head ... it was the cutest scene.

Donna wiped the flour from her hands on the sides of her apron and then rounded the kitchen island towards her husband and baby son.

Harvey smiled widely and put his arm around Donna as she held her son's gloved hand and kissed his cold nose.

She couldn't still get over the love she felt for her children and for Harvey.

James smiled widely at Donna while cooing. Although he had uttered his first words recently, they had yet to hear a repeat performance.

"He missed his mommy," Harvey smiled his best Cheshire cat smile in Donna's direction.

He then handed James over into Donna's arms.

Donna chatted baby talk like a pro,"You missed Mommy ... didn't you! Yes you did ... oh Mommy's little bear!"

"Mom ... you're baking!?" Harvey smiled in the direction of his mother.

"Actually ...WE'RE baking ... little Lily here has been essential to the operation!"

Harvey swung his little girl up into his arms.

"Lily ... I'm so proud of you helping Mommy and Grandma bake!"

"Daddy ... I'm baking stars for you .."

"You're baking stars! ... wow! wanna show me?!" Harvey exclaimed animatedly and excitedly for his daughter's benefit.

Lily proudly showed her Daddy her star which she held in her flour covered hand.

"Oh Harvey! ... she'll get flour everywhere!" Lily laughed at her son. She was secretly overwhelmed to see her son's life had turned out so content and happy.

"Don't worry Mom!, I'll clean it up." Harvey beamed at his mother pulling her in and giving her a kiss ... Harvey was delighted his mother had become such an integral part of their family. He regretted often, all the years they had spent apart. Now with his own family he had realized, it had just been pure stubbornness on his part to let the rift go on for too many years.

...

The rest of the day was spent cleaning up after baking and preparing a family dinner with Lily senior at the helm in the kitchen. She felt she was making up for all the years she lost with Harvey. After dinner they watched kids movies and then watched over Lily who was trying to teach baby James how to play her favourite games. She wouldn't listen to reason that he was still too young. She was besotted with her baby brother.

Lily senior had begun to paint a portrait of the family. After a couple hours of painting she put away her canvas for the evening, she was meeting her husband Bobby for a New Year's date. They needed some quality time together after the long weeks she had spent helping take care of her grandchildren.

...

Around 6pm the doorbell rang. Harvey knew immediately who it was.

He opened the door with an excited Lily in his arms.

"Look Lil .. look who is here! .. its Aunty Rachel and Uncle Mike!"

Lily looked in amazement at Mike and Rachel who were all dressed up for their New Year's ball.

"Aunty Rachel .. luv your dress!" Lilly squealed with delight. She had become even closer to her godmother during Donna's recent stay in hospital.

"Thank you Lily, love your pink PJs."

Rachel felt a sudden pang ... she secretly missed Lily and the time she had spent minding Donna and Harvey's family. She had longed for a child of her own.

"Come on in you guys". Harvey greeted his friends warmly.

"Where's Donna at?" Mike asked.

"She's just putting James down in the nursery. She'll be down soon."

"In the mean time you'll have to make do with me!, but Lily here has baked cookies especially for you guys, haven't you Lil?"

"Yes" Lily squealed suddenly wriggling free of Harvey's arms "they're in ..here ... look ... look" she ran into the living room all excited.

"Right" Harvey laughed, we better follow the little boss!"

They all laughed, little Lily really was becoming the boss of the house.

Harvey showed Mike and Rachel into the large living room.

They all sat in front of a roaring fire where the beautifully decorated Christmas tree still adorned the corner of the room.

Rachel and Mike smiled to one another, they felt happy that things were returning to normal for their closest friends.

...

Donna had placed baby James down for the night, looking at her sleeping baby, she put the night mobile on ... stars lit up the ceiling of the nursery ... it was perfect! She couldn't remember decorating the nursery but knew immediately from the beautiful decor that she had made the decisions. Definitely her style!

She had heard Harvey greet Mike and Rachel downstairs, so she decided she had to draw herself leaned over her son and gave him a gentle kiss "Night my angel". With that she turned on the baby monitor and proceeded towards the landing and the stairs.

...

"Wow Rach! I love your dress ... FABULOUS !" Donna exclaimed to her friend as she entered the living room.

Rachel got up and excitedly gave a twirl in her dress, followed quickly by Lily, who gave several twirls in her pink bunny PJs, immediately sending everyone into fits of laughter.

Donna felt a tad under dressed with Mike and Rachel in formal evening wear. Although she had a beautiful sparkly short blue wool dress on, it felt casual in comparison. But what really surprised her was that she didn't care,she was happy for her friend and content with staying in with her family tonight. There was no longing to be heading out to the ball.

"Thanks Don!" Rachel greeted her friend with a kiss.

"So you guys feel like getting a babysitter and joining us at the ball?" Mike teased.

"Only ... if Donna wants to?" Harvey smiled at his wife then.

"Thanks Mike.. but WE'RE good, just a quiet night in for us this year I think, maybe next year." Donna smiled contentedly at Harvey.

...

Mike and Rachel had stayed for an hour or so before saying their goodbyes and leaving for the ball. Rachel had helped Donna tuck Lily into bed before leaving. She shared her secret with Donna then, that Mike and her had decided to try IVF in the New Year. Donna was thrilled for her friend and vowed to help her through it.

...

With a couple of hours to go before midnight Harvey and Donna sat alone before a roaring fire. Donna with a glass of red wine and Harvey with his signature scotch. Since she had returned home from hospital last week this had become their routine, after Lily and James were asleep.

Harvey noticed Donna hadn't spoken in a while ...she had a far away look in her eyes staring into the fire ...

"Donna ... are you okay?" Harvey gently touched her hand.

"Mmmmh... I'm fine" she smiled at Harvey's touch " Its ... its just ..."

Harvey looked concerned "Just what...?" He asked tenderly.

"Just ... thinking ... remembering ... a night like this ... "

Harvey listened intently to his wife.

"That night ... at my apartment ...after you prevented my going to jail ... " Donna cast her eyes from her wine glass to her husband.

Harvey smiled softly towards his wife "I remember ... I'll let you in on a little secret ... you had NO IDEA... HOW... terrified I had been Donna!"The thought of you possibly going to jail ... That's when ... when EVERYTHING changed ... " his tone was sincere and honest. "I was terrified ... terrified at the thought .. of losing you!" Harvey's eyes watered at the memory.

"I ... I couldn't hide it anymore" he continued.

"Couldn't hide what...?" Donna pressed him further, although feeling she knew his answer already. She was enjoying the raw honesty from Harvey.

"That ... I loved you ... I wasn't ... able to act on it ...yet ... not that night ... but I felt I had to let you know. After all ... I had almost lost you...!"

"It threw me... " Donna remembered his shocking admission to her that night.

"In a good way?" Harvey asked reminiscing.

"In .. the most amazing and petrifying way!" Donna beamed at Harvey revealing her own raw honesty.

"I love ... that I can remember THAT night ...but ... what happens? ... if I don't remember.. everything ... especially these last few precious years?" Donna looked downcast suddenly.

"THEN ... I'll fill you in ... on whatever you want or need to know!" Harvey made sure to sound upbeat and positive. "Besides we'll make new memories..."

"Are you ... happy?" "If you NEED .. ANYTHING..?" Harvey knew he would do anything for his Donna.

"Harvey ... I HAVE EVERYTHING!" she stated with absolute certainty.

"I'm happy ... TODAY .. I made star shaped cookies with OUR daughter...go figure ... OUR daughter" she smiled "and it was the most simple ...yet amazing experience!" she wiped a tear from her eye, overcome with emotion suddenly.

Harvey was amazed by the woman before him and pulled her in until they were forehead to forehead "Oh Donna ... shush ... its okay... I'm here..." he whispered gently, wiping a tear away from her cheek with his thumb.

"AND ...I remember... THAT night ... that Jessica left ..." Donna spoke quietly, her voice trembling. "So MAYBE ... more memories will come back .. who knows!" she sounded hopeful now.

"The night we held hands" Harvey stated smiling.

"I'm just SO happy ... that I remembered that" Donna added.

"I'm so happy you did too" Harvey smirked.

"Do you remember ... LATER that night ... at my apartment?" Harvey asked coyly.

Donna smiled shyly "unfortunately .. not yet... not EVERYTHING" she giggled suddenly. At least some humour was returning to their night.

"We ... were .. both..quite nervous ... believe it or not" Harvey smirked at Donna then ... taking a sip of his scotch.

"Well .. I suppose it had been 12 years ... since ..'the other time' " Donna added, amused at the direction their conversation had taken.

"I'll never forget .. the very first night I met you" Harvey admitted suddenly.

"I pulled my "this is the day you get to meet Donna shit on you ... didn't I?" Donna laughed then getting all nostalgic.

"Yes .. YOU .. did! and I thought ...you were shit hot and so beautiful !" Harvey added proudly.

"I was ... wasn't I " Donna stated firmly with a wry smile towards Harvey.

"You ALWAYS will be !" Harvey smiled adoringly at Donna then ... with pure love in his eyes.

Donna smiled shyly at her husband, her Harvey ... as he brought her in for another embrace.

"But Harvey ... how are you?" "I MEAN these last few weeks ... its been all about me ...but ... they must have been ...so tough for you ... " Donna felt slightly guilty at the burden her 'accident' had put on Harvey and the family.

Harvey caressed her face then ... looking deeply into her eyes "Hey .. HEY ...look at me ... Donna!"

"ALL I care about .. is that you are here ...WITH ME ... with OUR CHILDREN;... when ... it happened Donna .. I was so scared ... that..I was gonna lose you!" tears fell down his cheek and he quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand, wanting to remain the strong one for Donna.

"I love you ... Harvey ... so much ..., I'm not going anywhere," she reassured him.

"I'm the luckiest man Donna" Harvey spoke softly to his wife.

Donna blushed at Harvey's words ... suddenly feeling the urge to ask something that had been bugging her of late.

"Was I ?... was I the same ... before ... before all of this ... ?" Donna asked cautiously. "I ..NEED ..TO ..KNOW!"

Harvey sensed Donna needed some reassurance "Hey ...LOOK at me ..."he asked tenderly "you've always been my Donna ... and you always will be ... NOTHING has changed ... NOTHING!"

Donna became overwhelmed with emotion " Thanks Harvey ... I REALLY needed to hear that, more than you know.."

"When .. did we become so sentimental?" she gave him a playful dig.

"Well its YOUR fault!" With that Harvey smiled and pulled his wife in for a kiss filled with emotion.

"How about ... we finish the count down to the New Year ...upstairs!" He smirked.

"Harvey Specter ... I thought you'd never ask ... AND how about we bring the champagne that's chilling in the fridge up ... ring it in ..in style" Donna added.

"With whipped cream and strawberries" Harvey raised an eyebrow suggestively.

" OF COURSE ... WITH whipped cream AND strawberries !" She said winking back. "Why do you think there are two cans of cream sitting in our fridge!"

"WHAT ... are we waiting for then?!" Harvey smirked and laughed.. taking Donna's hand gently in his.

Oh ... she would never tire of this intimacy she thought then to herself. Same Harvey and Donna banter, only now, they could act on their feelings, instead of dancing around them.

That night, New Year's Eve Night, Donna knew that everything was going to be fine. She just knew it ... because SHE WAS DONNA and because she had her Harvey by her side.

The End.

Thank you for reading - Mary xxx

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